I dreamed this two weeks ago.
I am with Missy, my young grad school
buddy. She’s with a new boyfriend,
someone I never met before. I recognize this as strange in my dream, knowing she's
now married with children. Bob, my boyfriend, Missy, and my son, Joey are all
there together. Bob is with us yet seconds later is rapping to some chick about
15 feet away. I walk towards them, but when I get there, Bob’s disappeared into
thin air.
“Where's Bob?" I ask.
Joey says, “In the store, buying beer.”
Missy and I are walking together downtown
on Broadway alone. We’re on our way to visit my Dad down on 162nd
street. It’s a long walk from Sickle Street (Close to Dykeman Street) in Washington
Heights.
This is before Washington Heights
became Hudson Heights, before gentrification. For me it will always be The
Heights.
Missy and I are strolling slowly,
talking, taking our time. We run into Alan Abel, the big 'Get Even'
Scam Man Prankster, Bob had introduced me to.
I say, “Hi Alan, how are you?”
Alan says, “Hey, how’re ya’? You’re the
woman involved with Bob, that young English fellow I met you with in Oxford?” Alan
is speaking while pulling out all these clothes from somewhere. I can’t figure
out where they’re coming from.
Missy says excitedly, “Lets share everything.”
“Excellent,” I agree, forgetting my
concern about where the stuff is coming from.
I pull out a tight colorful skirt. I
feel Missy’s eyes on it. I say, “Oh Missy, that wouldn't fit you, you're too
big.” I realize I spoke without thinking. Missy's not big anymore plus I'm worried
I hurt her feelings. I quickly say, “Oh you're not big anymore.” Too late, the
words are spoken.
Missy, Alan and I wind up in my
apartment’s home office. Alan is using my fax to make copies. I remember Bob putting
cellophane wrappers on the roller that holds the fax paper. Later he refills with
paper. I can't remember why Bob was using cellophane but suddenly realize Bob’s
trying to trap me into doing something sexual with Alan. He is using cellophane
to create a tracking record on fax.
Alan continues to make copies using the
fax machine.
Alan says, “I really appreciate you
letting me use your machine this way.”
I
smell something funny burning inside the fax.
Suddenly the copy button pops up and out of the machine.
I say, “Oh shit Bob warned me about how
careful I have to be with this fax. He
gave me this long list of do's and don'ts. Repeated over and over, ‘don't use
white out, no scotch tape either, don’t touch buttons,’ and truth is I’m guilty
and he’ll say I broke the fax.”
Alan focuses on me. Alan says, “How
much do you care about this Bob guy?”
“I'm crazy about him and can’t
understand why he makes me unhappy. I wonder if any man can give me what I want
or need.”
Missy
cuts in, “Do you both feel the same about faithfulness?”
Alan tells Missy, 'No, the real problem is she
has not found anyone to meet her needs or make her happy.”
Alan turns to include me, “But, why aren't
you faithful?”
“You mean unfaithful because I'm
hanging out with you here?'
Right beside me suddenly is some guy
standing there who wasn't there a second before. Someone I’ve never seen
before.
I defend myself, “Oh, we don't have
sex. And although I've been unfaithful, I'd much rather be faithful, but
somehow, when I get unhappy I also get unfaithful." I pause and take a breath.
"Is that it?" Alan said. He
smiled slightly, added in his strong pretend English accent, "Well, that's
all right then, some people are unfaithful just for the hell of it."
"No," Missy said, "There's
more to it than that.”
Alan has his mind made up. He starts
making lists of the pros and cons about my relationship with Bob. Instead of
reading the lists, I watch him feeding the lists through the fax to make
copies. I see he's taped relevant and matching stuff together to better
organize themes. I get worried about the fax.
“Alan” I say, “you will break the fax
putting paper through with tape.”
Scene switches again. Alan and I are
sitting together on rocks at an outdoor garden. We are completely alone and isolated.
Alan moves closer behind me. The waterfall, rocky, slippery, with lush wild
flowers, granite rocks glinting, mesmerizes me. Beautiful, and wild, yet tended
to. I want to climb down but it's about a five-foot drop. I worry if I can’t
get down I won't be able to climb back up without help. I stand there enjoying a
familiar rapture, Alan’s powerful energy combined with the moment’s
tranquility. I am enraptured yet captive.
I feel Alan’s body pressing against
mine. His growing erection presses against my butt. “I want you to be mine,” he
said. "Even though I’m crazy beyond what you’ve ever known before, I believe we
can make it.” He leaned in, bent his head.
Dizziness overcame me, hunger clawed at
me. My stomach lurched with fear of getting involved and let down again,
and still I raised my lips to greet his.
Eyes wide open, gazing deep inside
mine, hurt inside the hunger’s so deep, I feel my womb throb with desire.
