Saturday, December 03, 2016

Golden Girl

Cleo, stunning and engaging
Ravaged by cancer in 6 weeks
A fast growing tumor behind her nasal passages
Pressing into her ear nose and finally eyes
Cleo's will was strong but cancer is powerful
Possessive to a fault
She owned me not the other way around
She would not allow any other female except her mother in my domicile
Cleo was mistress of my home
What will we do without her?
Beautiful till the end
Her golden silky fur became unkempt
Weight falling like autumn leaves
Me left with no choice
Hope gone and my heart bereft
Wanting to hold on to her purrs and love
Her head pushing against my body
Her rough tongue licking my hand, as I'd pet her
Unable to purr and eat, the tumor grew fast blocking the way
Vets claimed 50 - 50 chance, said they could remove, after one already tried,
Not sure if they wanted to help save her or wanted the younger vets to learn
Sorry I listened, should have followed my instincts
And given her a few more peaceful days instead of trauma in surgery
Hours of anesthesia on an already wrecked soul starving and striving to survive
I regret not continuing my program of subcutaneous water
Combined with finger feeding baby food
Instead they installed a feeding tube which made her gag more than before
Doctors tried to convince me her tiny shrinking body would handle radiation fine
I'm glad I didn't listen and only wish I
Didn't commit her tiny shrinking body to surgical trauma
Can’t forgive myself for making her suffering worse
Letting them experiment,
Lessons learned too late
Can't hold back fate
Letting go of Cleo was the hardest thing I've ever done.
There will never be another Cleo
Knowing she's out of misery is no consolation
Miss her love, her energy, her beauty, her excitation
Flame point Siamese with deep blue eyes; recall her exotic look and personality.
Cat fanciers called her exotic
Would not classify her as Siamese although
She was pure through and through
Life cut short, 9 years of soul
Brushing her fur made her purr loudly
Helped reduce the amount of hair spread around
Lay awake missing her body pressed against mine
Miss staring into her eyes, her throwing herself on her back
Stretching her small slim body and limbs against mine
Urging and telling me how to stroke her
Purrs so loud made me wonder how she did it
Gone, forever lives in my heart, try to cope and remember
Visualize Cleo,
Lying here with her mother, Starr and bossy Davie
Starr screaming for her daughter
Inseparable in life
All of us bereft, confused
Missing her warmth
Cleo is gone.
Mercy, mercy, please...

I've written before about Cleo on my blog, specifically at the link below addressing her being a flame point Siamese and being called Exotic when she is pure Siamese:

Other poems that included mention of Cleo are here:

Cleo would have been 9 years old December 27th. I was forced to put her down as the tumor pressed on the back of her throat and no food or water could pass. It was growing fast and had already grown into her ear and infected it. Then it spread behind her left eye. 

First The Humane Society had seen her and thought it was an ear infection. Then when I brought her back they thought it was a cold. When I reported that the back of her throat was completely closed, they sedated her and tried to reach the tumor thinking it was a polyp and they reported it was too deep and they could not reach it. 

I should have listened to my gut when my urge was to take her home and let her rest giving her fluids subcutaneously, and baby food and nutriment on my finger. Instead on the advice of doctors who suggested she see specialists at the Animal Medical Center, I took her there for a consult. They said they thought they could get the polyp and that there was a good chance it was not cancer and that they would insert a feeding tube. I thought the feeding tube would be in the stomach but it was placed in her throat which only aggravated her gagging reflex. After a couple of hours of anesthesia and experimental work, they saw they could do nothing and from only looking doctors were able to report it was a very fast growing cancer. When she came home she was much worse for all the trauma. I would have had to put down anyway but she would have had a few days in peace with her mother, pictured below next to her. 

The tumor grew very fast and was invading every organ in every part of her head. 

God Bless Cleo! May she rest in peace and may the next birth be blessed.