Friday, May 11, 2018


I see you -hiding inside -under so many layers of fat, carefully placed and misplaced
Inside and outside, you gain and lose in a cycle of fat to thin again
I try to see it is me but I see someone else, she’s not me. 
That woman I see in the mirror, I deny she’s me. 
I want to stop eating, makes my life so complicated because everything seems to be about food while life becomes more sedentary against my will
I don’t know what to do, so many theories about emotions
I want to walk more but my feet hurt, sometimes my hips ache, time chimes
Reflects my image in a mirror, Caught in a web of suspense to see who I am today cause everyday when I awake I’m a new becoming me
Betrayed by my shell, I hide as much of me as I can inside armor
Keep crying help, keep on trucking doing what I do
My system runs amuck and a thunder – I wish I could control my mind
I’m addicted to food – hard to forego food
Eat falafel - fills me up so much, eat Baba -Ghanoush loaded on tons of salad, 
seems to not matter – no matter what I consume … I can’t say, no excuses
Digesting food takes up too much time – I feel like I’m part of organized crime defending sublime
Give me water, honey and lemon- I promise I’ll still survive
I question me– why am I doing this to myself
Yet I hide myself watching me, I see myself from the outside
Creep out from the inside
I yell free me so I can move with the flow
I creep back inside to hide me from myself 
you know where I’m going with this
From humiliation and aspirations all combined, tied with a big purple bow
Put in front of you I am me in front of me I see me and become afraid Of who I am that I made me who I am to you I am you in a wounded knee I see who we are 
Who – attempt to reject self loathing
I am me, wounded, beneath who you are
Hide in plain sight in an underground version of myself
I ride deep waves within myself, diving deeper I fear I’m forever lost
Who is the self I claim to be trapped inside me waiting for a way outside myself
No escape, like a trapped bull in china of life trying to escape from myself 
Caught in an endless loops of myrioscope kaleidoscope color
Endless blues persist as I judge who I am
I see a violet sky inside me
Exploding in years of pain
Abstaining from gain I constrain myself
I’m a bloodstain of pain from which I came
I hide from myself and ask how did I ever withstand myself
Caught on a continental shelf I conspire to divide myself, prove myself, 
I will be a band of oneself to expand and assert myself, 
I will be a prayer of despair 
More morbid in beware
Nothing works that worked before
Now I hear all in my head
If I eat properly and see myself thin I will be – really?
Compare healthcare 
Impaired, play side chair in the affair, arise out of nowhere, I exist, I am somewhere, here to defend
I am sightseer in my own life, like a replay game in surround sound, can’t understand fear is …
So lonely inside, longing for love, I seek, I cry, 
worth the weight, FATE of my soul, I inquire, FIRE up insights