The Mess of My Life
Is it my life’s purpose to participate in the unmitigatedness
of this entire mess, less of life than I desired
The older I get, the more stuff gets crammed inside my head
Nothing I can do, live with the dread
process the grief, the stress depresses me to see
underhandedness of people who surround me
in for a penny – in for a pound
lose my mind, in an abyss of fear
lose ground all around
like a throwaway thingamajig
each day past means one day less than the rest
each day less of me remains
new campaigns seek re-election every day
seek relief and see none
Life a very, very, long dry run
Used for sex, thrown away afterward
Relationships sought and denied
In lieu of instinctual, reciprocal sexual favors
Craved for more complex relationships too
a joke on two, who do you say did the dirty deed of wanting all of me
more than my dream come true, different nightmares
invade my space, my hullabaloo, my valuable time
I wonder if this mess, this less sunshine every day
See what’s left of the unmitigated mess
Done with tests although always tried for more
Did the best I could. It was never enough to see me through
to better days desired
Make my way through the door, seek that more and
realize time is brief
Here’s the rub -heroes of our own lives, we grind our way
a life confined
prisoners assigned to our demise
Blind and spellbound, stumble through days
A throwaway and stowaway in my own life
I gotta make it through – to the rainbow ridge
Wish I could streamline, unwind the process of this mess
Take a different test, rewind the tape
Do anew the test of fate thrown in my face
Blind and spellbound, stumble through days
Too sick for the nightlife, don’t miss it
Always someone’s wife, always avoid lowlife,
live with stress of the mess
A throwaway, a stowaway in my own life
