Volunteer at CAAC (Center For Animal Care And Control)

 Got Milk deserved a home but no one wanted her.

 Above is Got Milk. A life lost.

Cats are a part of my life. Recently I decided I would volunteer at NYC Center for Animal Care and Control to take babies in, since I'm always doing this anyway. It turned into a nightmare. When I took home the 3 infants, their entire back legs were covered in encrusted fecal matter and they had very bad diarrhea. This was pretty disgusting and took a lot of effort to clean. The poor weak things cried pathetically during a thorough bathing that was a kind of long process trying to remove and wash fur encrusted fecal matter that had probably been on them since their birth. Keeping them clean was extremely difficult since they all had consistent diarrhea. In spite of this the babies still put on quite a bit of weight during that time.  but were still only about one pound each, all with big tummies.

I had asked if they’d been dewormed when I agreed to take them but later learned this was untrue. I took them back for shots but they refused because they said “the vet had no time.” I think they didn’t want to make the investment of the shot. Later one young man who adopted one baby took his baby to the vet. The vet called the CACC not wanting to replicate what had already been done. Surprise, surprise, no papers could be found!

The deal was I was supposed to keep them until the afternoon before I left for my vacation on July 8^th, only 12 days more to help the babies. One of the babies I named Got Milk because I had to bottle feed her and she was so hungry plus she always a white spot on top of her mouth.

After I cleaned away all the shit, hiding beneath the shit was ringworm. I dipped them all iodine. I couldn't cancel my vacation, since my fare alone had cost over $1000. I found two people to adopt, which meant I had to return the unadopted one to the CACC. The lady who had promised to adopt Got Milk, the beautiful very hungry kitty changed her mind when I told her I had treated them for fleas and ringworm.  Poor Got Milk had to go back to the CACC.

When I returned Got Milk, they tried to keep me speaking low and said they didn’t want anyone around to know. They said they'd put her down because of their lack of resources. Poor Got Milk had to go.

I remember ...

IN THE SHADOWS OF MY MIND I LOVE JOY...

was written in black ink across
the dark photo in my hands
A black, fine, scripted line
a message in time
slipped carefully under the door

I examined the photo
She stood in the shadows
her hand draped casually over
the back of her upholstered chair

I remember Rosalie well
with her short, dyed, brunette hair
cut into a keen, neat bob
All held back by a dark brown net
Her clear dark, deep blue eyes
her cool crisp voice,

A cutting edge of guttural coarse sounds
escaped from her throat when she spoke
Rosalie was alive and genuine
moving in a world of reflected off-beat colors
She wavered on the border
between blasphemy and refinement
quicker than you could wink an eye

Rosalie was argumentative yet warm
agreeable and loyal
She could be deliberately cruel
and bitchy when she when she chose to be
I suspect it had to do with suffering she'd known

And I do believe she loved me
Rosalie is dead now almost 20 years ago
She was over 65 when I met her
(don't ask me by how much)
they said she died from a stroke caused by her alcoholism

I remember how our paths crossed walking down Broadway
me cramped over in pain and misery
I looked up and saw her staring into my eyes
and recognized her
Every time we passed one another,
we smiled at each other
I make a lot of friends like that
So me and this old lady had a habit
I meet a lot of people like that
one gal told me you're the most smilingist person I could ever wanna meet

This day I walked in pain, bent over, holding my womb
"What's wrong, dear?" she said, questioning me with true concern
She took me to her house and
treated me with naturopathic methods she'd learned at some fancy class
She wrapped me tightly from head to toe in a big iced up towel
then rolled me securely in a blanket of wool
leaving me two hours to chill out my fever
gifting me with the first relief I'd felt in two weeks
I stood straight as a result of Rosalie's remedies

How could I help but love her
with her wide open eager smile
her passions and her jealousies her quick anger
her petty aggravating assaults on any behavior she deemed wrong

Rosalie... her sudden quirks
and eccentricities
her confessions to what
she labeled high class prostitution
and past alcoholic history

I figured she needed to dull her sharp senses
her gall and quick wit
her tender loving ways
I'll remember Rosalie without her photo
for she inhabits the shadows of my heart
her words forever imprinted

I love Joy in the shadows of my mind

© 1994

I know it I know it I know it

It’s ok guys I’m putting it away

In and out like the wind my tongue flickers through words faster than my brain can process them, jumping ahead leaping over boulders 

my words transcend become one

Eat crow again and again to no end to the viciousness of innocent crimes committed time and again daily 

idly imbibing sand fills my mouth escalating escape envisions fantasy visions bleep counting sheep once more it ends begins no end time begins ends

Tomorrow is mother’s day I get my way automatically it is whatever I say it is - honor my motherhood day

I know it I know it I know it

I can show you how to do it,

I know it

Listen to the words the beat shows I know it

Reverberations dance in my eyes and visions hide

no one but me can see