Saturday, October 29, 2016


They ridicule my nails – they’re so unkempt, with lined skin and chapped. Make fun of my faded “pink” hair when I fail to recolor quickly enough. My son tried to teach me some skills and went and bought me a Papyrus card with enclosed gift certificate for a manicure to try and show me what others expect in the way of grooming. I used the gift card to get a manicure and massage, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Examine and judge me like an object there only for their enjoyment and disdain while they gossip about my hair and my nails. Really is this what counts? How I make myself up nice and proper and meet the societal mores? My nails, my hair, shaving for the beach – I hate all three.

I’m too busy and too cheap to take time to enjoy the little things. Time takes its toll, year after year, cleaning and cleaning, rarely using gloves I clean without gloves to feel what I’m cleaning, to feel smoothness or roughness, to feel dents and bruises.

I think I’m confused by it all – why it means so much. OK I admit it’s true it’s not that much money, but for me – I, who more or less consistently refuse to shave my legs and rarely shave my underarms, and who uses a scissors to trim my underarms, do you really suppose this is what will take importance on my growing to do list? I use opaque tights and the hair doesn’t show. I rarely wear sleeveless so what different does it make if I only trim the hair. It really does burn and hurt my skin for two days afterwards. It’s like heels – I can barely walk without heels so how am I going to walk with them. 

Oh I hear the arguments now, “Your self esteem must be affected by not doing these things.” Or, “You have to be nice to yourself and treat yourself sometimes.” And incredibly sometimes, I do carry through and buy these treats for myself. Perhaps in my entire life, I’ve had less than a dozen manicures. Well for sure, I can guarantee you I’ve had less than two-dozen manicures. But I do - do occasionally I do - do for sure.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Making Changes

I want to be Alice in Wonderland
And own her possibilities
Wonder whether or not to take the pill
See if this will give me a drop
On a nicer line-
Something with a better design
The sound of rain beating down
Upon gray pavement
Thunder claps
People pull on caps and hoodies,
Tent papers and plastic bags over heads
Still can’t escape the explosion of
Wet splashing, sound clashing
Hazy curtain of rain
Soaks my clothes through to my skin

Lost my train of thought
To the winds, the chimes
Of time descend
A gathering vine to the vibe

Saturday, October 15, 2016

I’m a “wanna be”

I’m a “wanna be”
I wanna be graffiti covering walls boldly like Shira and
some old time guy – Crash one –
who painted graffiti on trains
I wanna be classical art like Van-Gogh, Degas and Matisse
Modern like Roy Lichtenstein, Pollach
I wanna be art covered in dead mosquitos
Visions of what we can and should be
Envelop my dreams

I wanna be actress, singer, grand some sports enthusiast
I wanna be poet, writer, Indian girl
Damn 3 percent Indian girl
Don’t you think I know it’s hard to be so many things
All at once, we have to climb high
Be many things all at once

I wanna be means I try every day
To be another me
Media throws so many me’s in my face
Everyday I’m like, “Who am I gonna be today
You wanna be me
Try to walk a mile in my shoes

Yes it’s cliché to say but so true
I wanna be Halle Berry, Jenifer Lopez, Marilyn Monroe,
Debbie Reynolds, Beyonce, and Jayne Mansfield
All rolled into one convenient slice of pie

I want to be a Royal Purple Audi 500, Special Pass Auto
I wanna be best of the best, is who I Want To Be
It’s hard to be anyone when mostly everyone
Barely knows who they are today, or tomorrow
Our hearts immune to roars of despair
Controlled by media, the score, blind deaf despair

Back in the day popularly called wanna be’s
Now everyone’s a “wanna be”
Hard to know true, everyone imagines we can be
Who we want to be – nurtured by American dreams,
A society amiss with misfits who all wanna be too
Some few have the means to be more than they are –
I don’t fit in with the Jones, try to fit in
Wherever I can, yeah it’s hard to be a loner
Barely fit in anywhere, if you please
Plus I don’t have the means to fit it in with the Jones
How free would we have to be
To be who we you wanna be today
The controllers say
Free your mind,
I ask can my mind decide my identity?

Try to be, can I be who I want to be today or any day
Happy New Year to you all and to all a good night
Ooooohhhh did ya hear we’re all free
So free that all we need do is free our minds
Be friends with crazy Bob Dylan,
Joni Mitchel and Natalie Merchant
Hobnob with high society
Just a wanna be

Wanna be someone different today?