Thursday, December 30, 2010

Bellevue Blues Better Than Never Before

Bellevue’s changed from back in the day
The nurse took one look,
her eyes met his
You’re sedated she said
And over medicated
What do you mean he asked
I’m on prescribed meds I’ve been using them for about a year
I just got discharged from Beth Israel Psyche Ward and they gave me all these scripts but I can’t get them filled cause they cut off my coverage
These are my meds, he displayed his scripts; I have to get them filled
young man she stated we don’t just give out drugs like that
Her hand rested on her hip
She wore pressed white cotton trousers
Held a clipboard in her hand
She examined the prescriptions one by one
I get 30 capsules of Cymbalta he said it will cost 145 at and I’m not sure that’s not the generic one either then there’s this Canadian pharmacy sells the generic duloxetine (du LOX e teen) for seventy-three dollars and I live on social security disability I can’t afford all this money I need my drugs - I’m down on my luck waiting for disability retirement insurance to kick in because I really need these medications you see

It’s up to you sweetie she slid the clipboard in his hands, here are some forms to fill out
We have procedures we follow around here - just follow me sir
she led him to a separate room to see the social worker; be interviewed
The social worker politely informed him,
You can’t just fill prescriptions here; we have a clinic you have to attend regularly we don’t just hand out medications we’re responsible for your care and well being too
The patient explained Geodon keeps the hallucinations at bay
Lamogine’s for the bipolar moodswings
Cymbalta along with Mirtazapine works excellently for depression
And helps to control the suicidal ideation
I play chess for 20 hours sometimes I forget to bathe or eat
The Ambien’s to go to sleep - the Klonopin’s to stay calm
I suffer from anxiety and insomnia
Sometimes I take all of them and still can’t sleep
Without them I go manic
It’s just no fun never being allowed a really good night’s sleep
I attend a mental health center
They have doctors nurses therapists even social workers but they don’t have a pharmacy
Well the nurse said it’s up to you it’s either us or them - you have to choose, we give you a month’s supply when you come in each month and there’s no extra charge
you have to make up your mind - let me assure you we excel at treating mental illness
we have the best of everything here that they have there or anywhere else
after all it’s our specialty it always has been
plus we even have a bed ready for you, she smiled sweetly and walked away
He filled out another form and waited once more for his name to be called.

Note: Bellevue Hospital is in New York City's lower Manhattan area. Bellevue opened its first “pavilion for the insane” in 1879 and its first alcoholic ward in 1892. Bellevue Hospital has been famous since then for its mental health services.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Do me right tonight

The pale dawn light shined on his face
I could tell he wasn’t well trapped in his personal hell
Unable to pick himself up like a child who fell
Once too many times running on rhymes
a psychopathic rant
A flaming fuchsia elephant invades my living space
Parades by with a sycophant riding him
While a hierophant stands nearby
reciting Buddhist mantras nam myōhō renge kyō,
Before my eyes behold
a white marble palace
studded with gold and quietly buried
beneath black sands of time
He begs admission to another sanatorium
a different mausoleum where the dead struggle
with the living over words written on winds
only ghosts can decipher
coming back to attack they deny the facts
fraught with desire the world’s run amok
a phantasmagoric a little white magic moonlight
dripping ice laden branches will do me
just right tonight poppy

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I need

a massage, don't you need one too?

How can you go wrong with this half price deal paying $36.50. I'm treating myself for the holiday.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


I keep trying to tread water in quicksand sinking faster in disgrace in the face of disaster
Life is a carousel of dreams
The famous radio therapist armond demille wrote me his words linger in my head ~you’re on a carousel of pain - allow me to help you
as a fellow therapist with professional courtesy due you, I’ll charge you only three hundred a session, a concession in my normal fees, I’ll cure you of your anomaly, your obsessions, give me your confession sacrifice your worldly possessions give up your attachments there’ll be no regression, I’m so darn good at my profession – no more transgressions no more depression
no more digression back to the blues tonight
I can’t be perfect I can only be me

A man stops me in Target all smiles, makes eye contact, nods.
merry Christmas to you. I say I don’t celebrate Christmas, you’re smiling so much why are you so happy?
Ah I’m happy to be with family at Christmas. u must celebrate something too what r u
I don’t know what I am Call me Jewish Buddhist if you want –
You look so happy too he says. Looks are deceiving I replied. You joke  with me you’re happy he said I see your big happy smile really I said I’m always blue no no that can't be true
I don’t know how to limit myself to one religion
Dubblex is confused they always pick you – why your pretty face in a store full of women- there are so many women around why do they always come to u - he accused
Innocent claim to  fame devious name your goals

The “all religion” ~ old religion
all religions are one – the word shall be one shall be done in heart space mind prevails so many travails hate to fail no bailing out I wail in my own jail hit the nail on the head
the world shall be one
one one one (((((((((oneoneoneoneoneoneone))))))) the one and one Irie
lightening and thunder
one nation under god indivisible with liberty and justice for all
one people united by love with peace and justice for all
I want the world on a string to spin in my my my my my my heart’s spin in a gleam with a ream of justice in economy for all full of bull
A wedding ring an office slur poetry in the afterlife
nose too big stomach too flabby
It’s inflatable unpredictable accounts payable receivable I’m not accountable for your bills my assets are not bequeathable retractable to your psycho babble circumscribable to your collectable circumstancial financials I’m familiar with the details

Fastidious and obsessive compulsive a hidden insidious agenda oblivious to the truth
I keep up with doctor ruth who lives in my hood
Embracing brotherhood understood under the fresh scent of cedarwood tree
The world will imbibe truth like a newborn with a new milk tooth
forsooth my youth I search like a sleuth
for the word shall be the truth
and the truth will set me free

Friday, December 03, 2010

Dangerous Ideals

The blues were pure enough to drink
Gallons of oil spilled and wasted
A huge delinquent samurai beguiled
My concentration wavered on the brink

A gallant giant waved wild red roses
At us with thorns that bruised our souls when we walked
Surrounded by danger on the edge of another impending disaster
We dreamed about leaving the trenches

Behind us the giant raged on the wrong balcony
And we ran for the safety of our huts
Escaping the blue monsoon that threatened us
Trying to recover the boundary

Wild thorns overgrown with mastery
They twisted and turned in our feet
Pouring our anguished blood in the street
Our images were replicated on the overhead marquee

That stood above the swaying balcony where disaster flowed for free
Searching through bleary concepts treading on blueberries
We rubbed rose petals on our wounded feet
Looking for the answers to the giant’s deceit

The rose petals grew as we touched them
As if ideas could grumble through a storm
the petals grew huge suddenly engulfing our feet
when we realized each rose had lost her stem

And the gentle giant raged no more
He had been beyond reproach
showing us a bloody brochure of what happened
threescore and seventeen years ago

Glumness is getting old as we sit drearily
Fixated on who outfoxed who
While a rainbow of cheery color
Runs parallel a bloody river numbly

for Elizabeth Bishop