Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Big Mess

 The Mess of My Life

 

Is it my life’s purpose to participate in the unmitigatedness 

of this entire mess, less of life than I desired 

The older I get, the more stuff gets crammed inside my head

Nothing I can do, live with the dread

process the grief, the stress depresses me to see 

underhandedness of people who surround me

in for a penny – in for a pound

lose my mind, in an abyss of fear

lose ground all around

like a throwaway thingamajig 

each day past means one day less than the rest

each day less of me remains

new campaigns seek re-election every day

seek relief and see none

Life a very, very, long dry run

 

Used for sex, thrown away afterward

Relationships sought and denied

In lieu of instinctual, reciprocal sexual favors

Craved for more complex relationships too

a joke on two, who do you say did the dirty deed of wanting all of me 

more than my dream come true, different nightmares

invade my space, my hullabaloo, my valuable time 

I wonder if this mess, this less sunshine every day

 

See what’s left of the unmitigated mess

Done with tests although always tried for more

Did the best I could. It was never enough to see me through 

to better days desired

Make my way through the door, seek that more and 

realize time is brief

Here’s the rub -heroes of our own lives, we grind our way 

a life confined 

prisoners assigned to our demise

Blind and spellbound, stumble through days 

A throwaway and stowaway in my own life

 

I gotta make it through – to the rainbow ridge

Wish I could streamline, unwind the process of this mess

Take a different test, rewind the tape 

Do anew the test of fate thrown in my face

Blind and spellbound, stumble through days 

Too sick for the nightlife, don’t miss it

Always someone’s wife, always avoid lowlife, 

live with stress of the mess

A throwaway, a stowaway in my own life

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