MY HEART GOES ASTRAY

Static in my heart sings a ring so strong

like an episode of sesame street gone wrong,

the world gone awry in a single cry awoke

evoked clouds linger in the pre-reminiscent pregnant air

five seconds ago on the web, I watched

Yellow red purple smoke rings cascade up from Cape Canaveral

Choked on enzymes fumes

in absence of love invades hate on the abyss a trend in fate,

an alias to convert a feather stroke to abuse with a lavender candle invoked

Skyrocket in sight with a socket in my cap. 

Didn’t say it wasn’t love

The rhythm of the music moves my hands

Heros dead in a flash of smoke one last glare

Great curls of white smoke rise eyes tear

Life throws so many darts no way to know

Step smack middle in the midst watch them go

Lost glares silence stares me in the eye, 

life isn’t fair you cry, 

I never told you it was

an old theme renewed reneged turn your back,

go away little girl though that cunt tastes so sweet to eat 

keep it away from me,

cause I’m dangerous.

I lie, cheat and go to war to get to eat what I want.

I’m so aware, King of the State of affairs between me and Britain.

Jews are lucky, we have a soul with an afterlife, not a hell.

Eat your sins for the glory shall be mine.

Got the fine for double parking, ate that too, a mighty tasty lugubrious morsel of time,

paid only one dime, was worth every cent, a one-of-a-kind find

white, pure, shiny granules of hope runs

Gotta meet fate at the corner of Doomston and Outta control genetic traits boulevard

The station gate at eight don’t be late, I set my heart on this chart.

I’m the bait. Worth the wait, good rate, not hatin’ I’m chillin'.

A breath of fresh mint, double-mint peppermint gum

Repressed a breeze in Iceland emigrated to USA,

reject from Liverpool, traded in Halvah for a day,

lost in the fleshiness of the moment I give my life away

SEARCH FOR AN ENCORE

SEARCH FOR AN ENCORE

 

My heart hits the sky for a wonderful guy 

Want to live in my dream

Let off steam, ride that moonbeam

Watch my love while we watch stars who strive to extreme, 

Love trees feed on earth and water

Feel like lamb to slaughter

New world’s just begun under one sun

Redwood forest, lakes, rivers run

No babe, I no have no fun

Weak knees pervade, 

transcend dreams glide

I’m along for the ride

Economy, parsimony,

Slide into fear of this and that

World where dictators rule

my land and that land make the

world what is has become 

not a race to create except this situation demands 

My life cut in two, can’t figure out where to go or what to do

Pray from far away - pray for ourselves, pray for me, pray for you too, 

Will prayers help or is it an illusion to feed my ego?

Search for hope, only nightmares come

Despots worldwide care only about money, 

honey, listen; root of all evil

Sell they soul to the devil - to the devil they do

And all around us, who paid suffer 

for the devil, they pay, to do us this misery

Everywhere on earth suffer this malady.

Download synergy to keep up my energy

Synapses flicker, slicker than an unsolved nightmare

Behind a hidden door, no splitting hairs

Born to be me, you’re born to be you

None of us born free

So unwell, hurts to be me

Wish you could see how it feels to me

Wish you could be me, feel me the way I feel you

We all desire prosperity, fame, acclaim, money

Mostly to survive and thrive

speak truth in poetry, fascism far and widespread

Money don’t mean joy, sorry to say

Like rivers run to their source

Blood runs cold, not yet, my lord, not time to fold

Times running out, getting old, need others to carry on

Carry on, work for free; try to help humanity

Make our earth the sanctity, earths meant to be

Hallelujah for you, hallelujah for me if only we 

can build something to hope for,

we want to live our dream, just once before we leave

Please, Please, Please

 

Let Us Be Free

Waiting on a revelation about the coming revolution
It’s a slow go, no one wants to know we’re just a bunch of good little soldiers
Doing what we’re told to
I’ve made no resolution to begin a revolution
I want to see people treated fair
I turn to me say see me free to be fair to me
Set me free outside myself
Set me free let me be me
 “my bad” will set me free
deny the naysayers, haters and dis abusers
See me
An angel cast from heaven
originally
and because of my big mouth, sentenced to hell on earth
fallen from grace a casualty for being me
Set me free from this insanity, this rat eat rat culture
We waifs wander the street like
abused common yard rats we want to be set free.
Even rats are drawn to starlight and love to feel the earth beneath their feet
instead of the hard city pavement where we are caged together
dining on musical words helps me while away my days
whilst I sit here and await my fate in the next genocide, an autolytic sourpuss
pray, permit me to continue
in a prison, I sit awaiting sentence
my pitiful existence pale compared to thee
cast me from your kingdom
wandering, searching far from home
am a product of your fear and cast-off genius combined
disowned and disavowed
Wings stolen while I awakened from a nightmare to discover
I lived a life not mine
Worrying didn’t help
Accepting unfair demands didn’t help either but what if you don’t have a choice
easy for you to say let it go and let it be
Let it go and let me free, let it go and set me free
On wings, I flew once with you as an angel, now cast from your grace
Laugh as you look down upon me pleading to be set free
And you say, girl, you had it the way you wanted to be
And you asked to be set free
I set you free and now you wanna come back to me.
Pity about those set free who wanna come back to me
Being me who’s no longer me is no fun
even when you think you wanna be free
Once you rode on wings you could spread
but you prayed me to let you be free
Now you beg to come home and
it’s too late to let you back in my grace
Let it all go, daughter, let it all go so you return to be
an angel spreading her wings –
wings fashioned from dreams - wings with kaleidoscope colors

STRIVE TO STAY ALIVE

STRIVE TO STAY ALIVE

I want to cry for my lost dreams. 

That house made of stone and glass 

with all wood inside the fame 

and fortune I never gained, 

the way my heart has been maimed 

my life tamed and bought at the corner store. 

Dreams estranged 

caught up in the buzz of busy bees

 living day to day in a maze 

on a pension fund 

Money I earned not charity 

driving safe in the slow zone. 

No airs or golden chalices, 

standardized morphing of reality 

Leave me to blaze on a hot day 

Sweat with no underwear. 

I fear for the living dead. 

Live life in my head 

less than half my dreams 

never come to fruition

because I’m not Annie Malone, 

neither is he 

change your tone please, 

Don't use your phone 

while we're having this conversation. 

I want to be a milliner

Tired of infighting, 

heart a siren, beats with desire 

Set the sky on fire, bring souls out of mire, 

stir the fires of love

Ignore the jive of each haze, 

the latest craze

Always some new malaise 

Live like lost

In a moon phase

Do my best to stay alive and thrive

Live in Poetic Entrancement

I’m not a rapper or a rhymer 

I refuse to be defined except as poet

I’m a social climber, not on a timer

I’m an old timer, been through a lot

Since born

I’m a writer, half-assed extrovert, an undercover introvert

I write all day till my hands hurt

Use a keyboard and mouse to type

Send out memos to me and everyone else, 

Letters, reminders, 

So busy I go crazy

Live in a bluesday concert of my making

Try to avoid being hurt is like trying to avoid living

I indulge in frozen fruit parfait I make

Grab it!   Life’s for the taking do our best to make it matter. Proclaim! … Lives Matter!

I cry for lost dreams. Houses made of stone and glass, all wood inside the fame and fortune never gained, the way my heart has been maimed, my life tamed and bought at the corner store. Dreams estranged ~ caught up in the buzz of busy bees living day to day in a maze on a pension fund money I earned, not charity, driving safe in the slow zone. No airs or golden chalices standardized morphing of reality leave me to blaze on a hot day with no underwear. I fear living dead. Live in my head less than half of it never comes to be because I am alone, lost in a phone yet I want to be like Annie Malone and be me. I want to be her, still I see, neither is he. 

Change your tone; don't use your phone while we're having this conversation. 

I want to be Annie Malone – the first Black woman in the US to take the world by storm.

Found her accidentally on the net while searching for my old colleague Annie Malone. 

Blown away in awe, – Annie Malone was ahead of her time, born August 9, 1869 – A chime went off in my head to read… 

American businesswoman, inventor, and philanthropist, Annie Malone came from a simple life. Annie manufactured products revolutionizing hair care for Black women. That’s my goal – be a hero, a superwoman, spokeswoman, for groups who appreciate a different kind of Annie Malone, a noblewoman, a strong secure woman, a give society-her due woman instead of suffering anxiety, 

Gavin’s notoriety or mine. How much sobriety do you need to see the vitality? Like royalty live by misconception that insanity is the rule of the day. People say they want different, yet prefer compliancy, ignore morality impiously siding with majority, fear authority. Standing in a minority is gaining seniority. Gives me hope that one day we’ll be a supermajority and redevelop the meaning of authority. The Cherokees are the original owners yet were thrown away for currency. 

Finally accept this is life and I’d rather do this then push up daisies

Keep all kinds of lists because the To Do’s persist

in running my existence while I attempt to stay cool ~be a shamanist

Get more abstractionist as I age, when I was younger, psychiatrists said I was too literal

Couldn’t see me being lyrical

I preach everyone’s crazy only some us don’t recognize how crazy we have become to survive.

I Live My Life In A Purple Haze

Not just a faze, a way of life back in the 60s, 

purple haze was an LSD craze 

now under my hearts gaze 

Lost in my mind's maze

Can’t get a social security raise

Keep wondering about ways 

To enjoy the sun’s rays

And get out of this malaise

Can’t get ahead, keep moving sideways

I’m only human, feeling so blasé after so many days

unexcited with exceptions to every rule I face

Lost in a different kind of haze not knowing where I am in this  phase of my life, not trifle

Rephrase the question which is the answer to why I’m living this way, I’m only human, so fuck you too

I don’t need money to flex

I flex my humanity instead of money

I agree, must be the end of days

Let’s Go, Let’s Go, Let’s Go

The stars, the sun and moon

Surround me –put me in a swoon

While I read runes

I want the world to know I’m one of you

so step aside and let me through,

Did you hear what I said,

I’m no different from you, you and you, 

Graduated the school of hard knocks

Just like you, came from the wrong side

Didn’t come up easy

Can’t you see

Who I am,

I said I’m one of you, some of what you are – what you are – 

Created in some image I create for myself and the stars in the sky,

I’m on the brink of expansion

An explosion of words going off in me

Words on the horizon

Words provide aspirations, a solution to our rotation 

Of bullshit politicians,

Anxiety spreads like a bloodstain

Feel another me emerging again

There’s a thrill up on the hill

Let’s go, Let’s go, Let’s go

In an explosive moment, puff of smoke at sunset,

Like the campfire built at sunset burns out at dusk all by itself

No one tells it hey fire, listen up, hear me, you’ve run your course, your hearse is on the horizon

My hearts locked inside straining to emerge, a collection of alternatives,

Add some trepidation, come to liberation, salvation is near, 

Not helping to flex, feel like a hex on me. 

Talk shit like it’s the next recourse, 

a force of nature to be reckoned with, no worries – 

Climate change is a no go…

Eastern sunlight rays in my skyline vision alive with the flow of color

Mesmerizes me

My heart skips a beat

A city girl fundamentally, nature claws me with her vibrations

Heartbreak hotel is still a go to

Zonked out on fresh brewed coffee

Feel another poem birthing inside me

I HATE MY FAT, I WANT TO GO BACK TO THINNER ME

I see you -hiding inside -under so many layers of fat, carefully placed and misplaced

Inside and outside, you gain and lose in a cycle of fat to thin again

I try to see it is me but I see someone else, she’s not me. 

That woman I see in the mirror, I deny she’s me. 

I want to stop eating, makes my life so complicated because everything seems to be about food while life becomes more sedentary against my will

I don’t know what to do, so many theories about emotions

I want to walk more but my feet hurt, sometimes my hips ache, time chimes

Reflects my image in a mirror, Caught in a web of suspense to see who I am today cause everyday when I awake I’m a new becoming me

Betrayed by my shell, I hide as much of me as I can inside armor

Keep crying help, keep on trucking doing what I do

My system runs amuck and a thunder – I wish I could control my mind

I’m addicted to food – hard to forego food

Eat falafel - fills me up so much, eat Baba -Ghanoush loaded on tons of salad, 

seems to not matter – no matter what I consume … I can’t say, no excuses

Digesting food takes up too much time – I feel like I’m part of organized crime defending sublime

Give me water, honey and lemon- I promise I’ll still survive

I question me– why am I doing this to myself

Yet I hide myself watching me, I see myself from the outside

Creep out from the inside

I yell free me so I can move with the flow

I creep back inside to hide me from myself 

you know where I’m going with this

From humiliation and aspirations all combined, tied with a big purple bow

Put in front of you I am me in front of me I see me and become afraid Of who I am that I made me who I am to you I am you in a wounded knee I see who we are 

Who – attempt to reject self loathing

I am me, wounded, beneath who you are

Hide in plain sight in an underground version of myself

I ride deep waves within myself, diving deeper I fear I’m forever lost

Who is the self I claim to be trapped inside me waiting for a way outside myself

No escape, like a trapped bull in china of life trying to escape from myself 

Caught in an endless loops of myrioscope kaleidoscope color

Endless blues persist as I judge who I am

I see a violet sky inside me

Exploding in years of pain

Abstaining from gain I constrain myself

I’m a bloodstain of pain from which I came

I hide from myself and ask how did I ever withstand myself

Caught on a continental shelf I conspire to divide myself, prove myself, 

I will be a band of oneself to expand and assert myself, 

I will be a prayer of despair 

More morbid in beware

Nothing works that worked before

Now I hear all in my head

If I eat properly and see myself thin I will be – really?

Compare healthcare 

Impaired, play side chair in the affair, arise out of nowhere, I exist, I am somewhere, here to defend

I am sightseer in my own life, like a replay game in surround sound, can’t understand fear is …

So lonely inside, longing for love, I seek, I cry, 

worth the weight, FATE of my soul, I inquire, FIRE up insights

GET TO BE SEE THE REAL ME