What The Fuck?

If life is a song or blast,

I’ve Got No Luck at all.

Brand new silk panties get mussed in the dryer

Stuck on Velcro, silkiness totally ruined

Left with puckered withered drawers

Panties advertised to be all fine silky sweetness

My hard sweated buck consumed!

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

With men I’m totally yuck

All I get is shmucks.

No need to misunderstand

Feeling all alone

He’s never there when you need him

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

Like a lame duck, things happen in my life

No rhyme or reason

Feel like an alien

Lost and isolated in Britain

I don’t belong here

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

Stuck in one crisis after another

A blur of bummer events, 

Lose people I love

Without saying goodbye

OK I admit letting time fly fast

One blast, cast running thru life’s asphalt jungle

Watch boastful people on TV

A plea to humanity to see who we really are, who I really am

Part of we, long lost glee of society, trinity of three

Me, myself and others, a presence of Thee

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

Standing here, a muse in society without face

Displaced, disgraced, no one cares about my race

I’m doubly screwed, woman first, then Jew, Greek, Spanish, Turkish and Persian,

a few dollops of North African mixed with Middle Eastern.

I’m nobody, nothing to you, you’re nothing too.

Either way I lose

So why does it matter to you what I do.

I’m fucked out of luck no matter what I choose to do

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

Clock’s struck one. I’ll turn into a pumpkin

Moon struck, sun struck and awestruck

Life should be a well-struck bargain

Instead of what we’ve done to it

A Funny Memory

Florence said, “He’s nice enough, he’s got money, he's a doctor and all but he’s not a lot of fun. Worst of all his dick is so small it’s like a button. I can’t do anything with it.”

“Like a button,” I say unbelievingly, “you mean like this?” and I hold up my pinky to show her.

“No, Florence says, “more like the nail on your pinky. What am I supposed to do with that?”

I look at her in disbelief.

“Oh, I know he’s in love with me,” she continues, “but I have to have something to work with.

“That is just too much to have it so small. Even rubbing on it can do nothing at all. The first time I saw it I was shocked. If I weren’t a nicer person I would have laughed. Maybe he could get a skin graft to enlarge it or if he had some skill or craft, but all he’s got is that little button without a shaft. I’m not a glutton for punishment so I can’t continue to see him no matter how much he loves me. He calls me every day. I don’t know what to say.”

“Is it the same size when hard?” I ask.

“Yes, it’s no prize, a hard little penny he rubbed on my thighs. I don’t want to see him anymore. I’m not shallow. I know the score, but what can I say to him? Your dick is good for nothing, it’s too small?” 

Although this conversation happened in 1998, I recall it like it was yesterday. It's strange how these conversations stay in our minds and replay themselves day after day, even long after the person who said it has passed away. 

Reinvent The Universe ...

Need alone down time

To survive threatening circumstances

Need to listen to the hurt, hear the cries

Regrets I try to forget, leave behind

I turn a blind eye to the answer

Vow to leave doubt out of the question to my answer

Lies survive my lips deny my heart

Fear a mishap on the horizon

An angel forsaking our great nation on the verge of denial

Does Gehinnom exist? - Jew’s purgatory

Refuse to accommodate doubts about heaven or hell:

Gehinnom

Intensification exists no doubt

Fingertips feel my heart beat with passion

Sensation alive in my drive

Pain sears through my womb

Pain, rips my soul from a concentration camp

Revive a better nation based on the assumption

That they do what they want to and we do what we’re told

Secrets we hold near, they hurt but they stay there

I deny what we live through

Live outside my head in the grip of a constant illusion

Hear conversations that never occur

Survive the delusion I live inside my head

Rich imaginings of what was said

What never was nor will be

Die and I never said what I meant to say to you and now I never will

The pain never stops

I keep moving my feet to a beat only I hear,

I try to help someone hear,

Please hear but no one hears but me

Standing alone in a grim bleak reality, coming and going alone

Solutions flash by and are slashed off by reality as 

I follow the path of Dorothy unafraid of what precedes me, lays in wait 

In a roughened bush burning by the side of an elegant brook 

In forest of deceit I wander hearing innocent animals slaughtered 

Cries calling out in my head instead 

Reality frozen in a time frame 

Waiting for a way out of the underflow 

I call to every passer by I see

Please, I beg, a hand please, I beg you don’t hurt me 

I’m only a first time offender 

I didn’t mean to raise my hand, 

Absolution for the abortion, 

Please stop the pollution, 

I hear the cries of an ancient race of animals now all dead, 

There’s no more of them to kill, only a lab created animal exists 

Please father, a benediction before I go and leave this universe

Can you give me a calculation of where you think I’ll be?

Father I have sinned, 10 hail Marys and go your way and sin no more 

I promise, father I have sinned

Afraid there’s another life waiting somewhere to find me 

Explore, seeking to find my way out of mischief into a glance of an inner richer universe

No exsanguination please

Try not to cry but the tears build in my eyes betray me

Water builds but doesn’t flow, yet you see me

I explode into another me who is she? 

I don’t know 

I didn’t make her 

She is I bubbling beneath the blood 

Warm ready to burst forth in flames fires 

Burst forth from my mouth like a dragon breathing fire I

Explode into a new me

Once more a reinvention of whom I want to be

I Feel Like Joyce Kilmer Tonight

The sky is falling upon me

So stifled I can barely see

Droplets of rain assuage the pain

Insane in the membrane, refrain

In life itself there is no gain

Kind of like a runaway train

Tremendous shame causes anguish

I wish I had some other dish

I am a fool to fall in love

Duped when someone fits like a glove

I’d love to live a life of bliss

Learn how to dismiss all of this

Not try to fill the emptiness 
Experience true happiness