Marijuana Escape from Blues

So very hard to face each day when so much sad

Engulfs me, makes me face my bad

My meds provide a space for peace

To feel some glad

Escape from being had

Raised in a bad way, rad I’m alive

Caught between my mom and dad

Born into a world of fate, hate surrounded me

Smoked at 14 laughed my ass off

Mary Jane helped me collect myself off the pavement

Days of wine and roses

Live in dreams – a haze of beauty made more magnificent with medicine

Wish I could do more, but I do all I can do and more

I’m a tad behind because of so much sad I’ve endured

A child badly clad, woe was me, carry the sad inside of me

Hard to let go of all the pain, now mental plus physical anguish 

Relish Sativa, she helps vanquish my heartache

Heartbreak, tenderness, fear that runs through me

Dissipates my heartbreak, helps me deal with fatigue

Pain consumes me, seek respite with Mary Jane

Live inside my head my brain seeks wisdom delight

Seek relief from my condition in my flight of heavenly visions

Some call me an addict others call me sane, reliable, trustworthy, 

I’m not a label, I’m human imperfect, not excuses

Weatherman said rain should flood today 

Drown my sorrows, feel light

Feel together in my head

Wish I had a gravy train

Instead of a childhood disdained full of pain

Feel the Godhead in my head

Watch streams of rain pour down

Through my open windowpane

Smell the scent of rain, 

Cannabis washes away my pain 

The scent of rain

Drifts through my windowpane

Wash away my pain

What The Fuck?

If life is a song or blast,

I’ve Got No Luck at all.

Brand new silk panties get mussed in the dryer

Stuck on Velcro, silkiness totally ruined

Left with puckered withered drawers

Panties advertised to be all fine silky sweetness

My hard sweated buck consumed!

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

With men I’m totally yuck

All I get is shmucks.

No need to misunderstand

Feeling all alone

He’s never there when you need him

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

Like a lame duck, things happen in my life

No rhyme or reason

Feel like an alien

Lost and isolated in Britain

I don’t belong here

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

Stuck in one crisis after another

A blur of bummer events, 

Lose people I love

Without saying goodbye

OK I admit letting time fly fast

One blast, cast running thru life’s asphalt jungle

Watch boastful people on TV

A plea to humanity to see who we really are, who I really am

Part of we, long lost glee of society, trinity of three

Me, myself and others, a presence of Thee

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

Standing here, a muse in society without face

Displaced, disgraced, no one cares about my race

I’m doubly screwed, woman first, then Jew, Greek, Spanish, Turkish and Persian,

a few dollops of North African mixed with Middle Eastern.

I’m nobody, nothing to you, you’re nothing too.

Either way I lose

So why does it matter to you what I do.

I’m fucked out of luck no matter what I choose to do

What the fuck? I’ve got no luck

Clock’s struck one. I’ll turn into a pumpkin

Moon struck, sun struck and awestruck

Life should be a well-struck bargain

Instead of what we’ve done to it

CAMILLE

Your light snuffed out like this candle

I light in commemoration

Not permitted full potential

Never reaching maturation

Your flame put out prematurely,

Wounds my heart like a sword surely

Michael requests positive energy

To help her on her journey

Light a single white candle at sunset

Blue, yellow and red flames ascend

Many loved you, will not forget

I would redo, make amends

Stopped literally in your tracks

Flames soar; see you clutching red wine

Forced before time to pay death tax

Passion and spine created your shine

You were like my sister, my family

Joey recalled movie class, your arm

Resting on his shoulders, your words

Softly spoke, a blue rhapsody

Short winded, precise and clear

Owned the gift of repartee

Camille possessed much flair

With her, no boredom guarantee

Times gone, I snuff the candles light

My mind’s eye reminiscences

Memories live, my delight

Death abandons all; relentless

Searching For Sunshine

Ain’t no sun up in my sky today

Rain keeps falling on my head

Got the blues so bad I’m dancing with fire

in hellish nights with no end

Promises and dreams not in sight

No delight in life

a bout inside, an an endless fight

in a world where nothing’s right

No sun up in my sky, too down to cry

waiting on motivation that can't come

Dream daily

Lying awake waiting for my lover to come on home

Frustration growing

waiting on lover makes me quirky that way

Comes sneaking through the bedroom 

door in the dead of night

Bed bathed in moonlight

Soft red hair brushes my shoulder

Our promises of together forever have grown older

Each day colder

As she lies down beside me

My eyes closed, pretend I’m asleep

Awake to an empty bed

Gone, left

With words unsaid

Sadness never ends

Never thought we’d end that way

Rain taps on windowpane

Listen in solitary solace

Left me on a rainy day

Called later, said she had to go,

Had someone waiting on her

Someone easier to abide, 

Someone to turn the tides

Someone to resolve dissatisfaction

Permeating our relations

Someone older, more mature

Someone sensitive who knew

how to make love

Someone who understood

Standing in the rain, alone

Clothes drenched through to skin

Each day hope rain will go away

tears blending with rain

sun’s gone away

rains refuse to abate

David Died

Last night he struggled for his last breath

Flailing his arms, his paws pushed against my chest

Grabbing for me with his last bit of strength

Disbelief in his eyes –

And then they were devoid empty

calling out to the doctor

“He’s passed already”

She looked at his lean slim body

“No,” she said, “his rib cage is still moving,”
She put her stethoscope to his chest

She shook her head, “You’re right,” she’s said. “He’s gone.”

Questions along with accusations swim in my head

Why didn’t I recognize his symptoms?

Why didn’t I know?
I blame myself - feel guilty

He ate normally until yesterday.
Today he died in my arms

Went about his normal activities

I noticed his shallow breathing a week ago

but his behavior seemed normal

Today he meowed loudly, staring in my eyes.
I saw he was dying

The doctor proclaimed he was too far gone
Nothing could save him

My heart aches
I doubt it will ever be the same

Longing and sad I wait for him

Sitting at my computer I see
His shadow at the periphery of my vision

About to jump on my lap

He would sit for as long as I’d be still

His soft fur like silk against my hand

purring, rumbling beneath my hand

Bright blue eyes staring into mine

He was different from the moment he was born

A malleable mellow fellow demure and docile

David would remain in any position

Siamese are supposed to talk

Not him, he preferred touch

So beautiful and sweet

Why do they have to go first?

I want David back

In memory of David, born January 27th, 2007 – August 10th, 2010

David is the one on the left in both photos.