Showing posts with label humor in poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor in poetry. Show all posts

Friday, October 16, 2015

A Funny Memory

Florence said, “He’s nice enough, he’s got money, he's a doctor and all but he’s not a lot of fun. Worst of all his dick is so small it’s like a button. I can’t do anything with it.”
“Like a button,” I say unbelievingly, “you mean like this?” and I hold up my pinky to show her.
“No, Florence says, “more like the nail on your pinky. What am I supposed to do with that?”
I look at her in disbelief.
“Oh, I know he’s in love with me,” she continues, “but I have to have something to work with.
“That is just too much to have it so small. Even rubbing on it can do nothing at all. The first time I saw it I was shocked. If I weren’t a nicer person I would have laughed. Maybe he could get a skin graft to enlarge it or if he had some skill or craft, but all he’s got is that little button without a shaft. I’m not a glutton for punishment so I can’t continue to see him no matter how much he loves me. He calls me every day. I don’t know what to say.”
“Is it the same size when hard?” I ask.
“Yes, it’s no prize, a hard little penny he rubbed on my thighs. I don’t want to see him anymore. I’m not shallow. I know the score, but what can I say to him? Your dick is good for nothing, it’s too small?” 


Although this conversation happened in 1998, I recall it like it was yesterday. It's strange how these conversations stay in our minds and replay themselves day after day, even long after the person who said it has passed away. 

Monday, April 05, 2010

Working To Save My Flow Blow-By-Blow On A Paid Word-A-Day Work Flow Pantoum

I sat at my computer with a cat on my lap to help me relax
She flew up from her seat like the cat’s a bat outta hell bent on a personal attack
Reacts as though she saw a rat on my lap instead of a cat
Like a spoiled brat she makes me put my cats on lock down

She flew up from her seat like the cat’s a bat outta hell bent on a personal attack
I put on my thinking cap try to resolve the problem - get it down pat
Like a spoiled brat she makes me put my cats on lock down
I frown at the crackdown - locking the cats out of my computer room is wearing on my nerves

I put on my thinking cap try to solve the problem down pat
I want to tell her scat she deserves no reserves
I frown at the crackdown - locking the cats out of my computer room is wearing on my nerves
Sets me all a gloom a sense of doom pervades my bloom

I want to tell her scat she deserves no reserves
I’m unnerved and need to conserve my energy, my synergy
Sets me all a gloom a sense of doom pervades my bloom
I upbraid her try to turn myself into a mermaid to escape her

It would be in her interest to understand the facts
Reacts as though she saw a rat on my lap instead of a cat
Please try to understand I’m your worker not your doormat
I sat at my computer with a cat on my lap to help me relax