HEART’S CALL POSTPONED

At sunset you enter my mind

At day’s first light there you are

In my mind’s eye

Want to embed your heart in mine

A looking glass of time

Dawn arrives, you are

Like a sparkling star

You light up my life

Like my personal sun

My world rotates around you

Believe I’ve become undone

Awake, seek email and text responses,

Sexual healing renaissance betrayed

Touch myself, pretend your hands touch what I feel

Visualize every inch of your length and girth

Wonder how to make it go inside

Forced to abandon my private taboos

Fantasize, see us nude, side by side

You confide secrets made at high tide

Part of me died, left by the wayside

Fries my brain to maintain your image

Try to avoid each typical scrimmage

Deny your heart wants so long – like a lost song

Searching its key, unable to see eclipse of your star

Baked in my heart’s oven

Bewitched bothered and bewildered

Live in light your pores exude

For the blue coin of our future

Prepared to suture and heal wounds of our past

License to carry art

Wield like dangerous sharp weapon

Misconstruction, solstice ellipse, heavenly scripts

Wonder why I await you in vain

Conception of immaculate virgin reign

Wonder if this is a new lesson
Life infused by total eclipse of my soul

BODY OF EVIDENCE

Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean my fears aren’t real

Fears speak in foreign languages in dark places of my soul

They confide in me tell me where I’ve been and where I’ll go

Beyond my comprehension

Cognizance jells constancy with perceptions and prehension.

In the starry night the sun set forth with glee

Misconceived, under the impression
the sun was there to see

Seen only in one’s heart enjoying ministrations of beauty

Duped by impulsivity trying to capture eternity

Existence of time proceeds, a moment, a year, a decade,
years pass and we’re still here.

Pass like a train in the night.

Several generations away nothing’s left but the mist.

Everything in its time, beginning and end,
true love bereft by death. 

Games played to be won - there are no rules to make the world spin

Dancing in delight in the wan moonlight waiting for a generation of change

to make its way into the light

Beside me stand Jimi, Janis, Billie, Bob Marley, and John F. Kennedy before they were born

We can’t find the light to see the way out of a bad dream a nightmare in reality

Relativity exists the nightmare is as real as the window I gaze through at midnight

Looking for a light a sign that everything’s going to be alright

What is true is a lie

Searching for truth

Secrets overwhelm us

Secrets lie hidden beneath the earth still warm with the regrets of my piss

I have no more left inside that was a lie I scream as my entrails are pulled out

Steam engine losing control seamlessly riding the track

Meant for dancing then changing course before making that last turn

One turn after another wondering what choices were right

What else should we have done? Did we leave any any secret unturned?

Needing release was it left ignored to rot to die with our bodies

An epiphany of infinity a chronological weighing of events adds up to peanuts

Imminence of ends finds not one of us survive forever acceptance of the next rain

Contrives a storm a demise of quintessential gains in a new sunrise

We’re all in this together Hun

You’re all alone boo hoo
no family to speak of
Boo hoo poor you all alone
Probably wouldn’t want you for family neither
Who would want a crazy lunatic as family
Someone who always thinks with her heart not foreseeing consequences of what was clearly there to begin with even though she helps with all her circumspection and obligation, she’s doing some good out there, how can you not reject someone who always has your back, holds friendship above all, and she may say something you don’t want said if you don’t warn her first, she’s a big mouth but she’s also someone who loves the truth even if she’s easily deceived
Thank god she’s had good luck to survive
Hard to fathom:
You can always count on her help if you need it
weird how everyone takes you for granted thinks it’s your job to clean up their mess yet you’re compelled to keep doing it over and over again hard to fathom why your family doesn’t want you. Do you think it’s because you know too many secrets – things they pretend they’ve forgotten, so it doesn’t matter that they know you’d do whatever you had to do to help them do what they wanna do - short of committing crime getting caught and doing time for them
so tell me why are they are so mean bitter and hostile, why to you
Do you think you should suffer another rejection at their hands and you don’t know why but you do feel compelled to call them -
Why?
You think it’s because – they’re family – and you should …
Boo hoo poor you
Do you believe this shit
What? Please now you're saying you got no more time to sit and jive through this bullshit yet you keep doing the same things again and again
no luck with family society same roots different paths or if it's the same path they'll deny any relation to you
no time to sit here and worry you said got to be on your way
you’ve got so much to say and so many things to do you don’t know how much time is on your side
you’re so enthusiastically spring cleaning eliminating clutter or attempting to and then you get this urge to call and say it’s because they're family
lucky you lucky me
you’re so busy bee busy bee busy busy busy be me