Left Brain Right Brain

Drawing psychology class - defining left brain right brain functions.

Misunderstandings

Nurtured with contempt instead of acceptance I came to understand that contempt was what I deserved. A world filled with maladjusted tendencies, constrained to a room, one of many to come. Three beds stood in our one bedroom with two side-by-side windows with deep sills that faced a wide open schoolyard that ran the entire width of our square city block.

Six of us lived in a one bedroom walk up gratefully situated on the first floor of a five story red brick building. There were two graceful entrances to the left and right of the main courtyard surrounded by well tended shrubbery. 

In our one bedroom there was a double bed plus two singles side by side against the wall, facing outwards so that all of our feet directly faced each other. The two single beds pushed together were mine and the middle sister's. The double bed on the opposite side facing ours was occupied by my eldest sister, Georgette, and my mother. 

My bed was closest the window and Harriet's bed was pushed alongside mine, the heads pushed against the wall. There was only a few feet of space left to walk between the four beds. I spent a lot of time in bed. That was where I did my homework, read for hours and dreamed away the hours.

My favorite part of weekends and mostly all I looked forward to was the ability to stay late in bed gazing at the sky. If my sisters came in or my mother I would climb on the window sill behind the curtain where they could not watch me and I could imagine I was alone with my dreams of clouds constructing lives of gods and goddesses while I instructed them on how to play nice with one another to have a good time.

I never did fit it with anybody, especially in first through third grades. Children made fun of me. A girl name Ruth told me she and her friend were going to get dressed up and have a lollipop party and everyone was invited. Did I want to go? I looked in Ruth’s face feeling suspicious of their niceness I felt trapped but didn’t know why. I nodded yes. “Sucker,” they yelled gleefully laughing hysterically, whilst staring into each others eyes, they danced away arm in arm. I stared after them.

FRIEND’S INFATUATION

Hands on her hips she tested me, “Don’t tell me you didn’t know he was watching you.”

“No,” I replied, how would I know? It’s not like I walk around room to room with a guide telling me there’s a spy nearby.
“No, No, I really didn’t know.” I shook my head vigorously emphasizing the obvious.

“Oh man girlfriend, don’t ya’ know? It’s like they selling tickets there- say you freaky and all.”

F R E A K Y – YOU GOT ME GIRL THAT’S WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU.

“Wow no, I never suspected anyone of watching me with binoculars from a nearby rooftop – no I suppose it never occurred to me I never assumed that men were hiding lying down on a nearby rooftop to spy on me on the off chance that if they’re there at a particular time when I happen to stroll by naked they lie there waiting with binoculars in a trance like an audience, hmm no I honestly never considered this ... “

“I don’t believe you,” she said.

“OK,” I said “Don’t believe me, it’s still true anyway whether you believe me or not. I don’t care what you say; I don’t need your approval. It’s not like you’re my best friend either and since your boyfriend dumped you; you hang around me all day flirting and smoking pot with my bf . Now you pretend you’re my friend - bring this news that you’re on list of a few people who buy tickets on a nearby rooftop to catch a glimpse of me naked.
If these people are your friends I wonder why you’re here when you already saw what you came for. What do you want?”

“I want you to hang non see through blinds on each window,” she said.

“Oh OK you’re looking out for me, you’re my friend. Why don’t you hang those shades then, I’ll buy them - you hang ‘em.”

“Me, come’on! I don’t know shit about hanging shades.”

“Neither do I missy but I’ll go getta’ hammer and nails and hang a dark blanket. It’s always about money. Either I get a new blanket or shades. Blanket’s cheaper but they got you either way.

Now tell me Patricia, just one last time, did you buy a ticket to see me too? Tell me the truth Ewww, Patricia! Yuk! Why’d you wanna do’dat?”

I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know

Don’t know who knows don’t know anyone who does believe me I don’t understand

HIS WOODEN SHACK

I sat in a wooden shack
in a chair of wood,
at a wooden table
and thinking of wood

In the middle of some undetermined
location somewhere on half an island
in the middle of no-where
where we would know anyway

I simply picked up the book
that sat right there on the wooden
table, like me, it sat
speaking, reaching out to me

I turned to the page inspirationally
all about how he felt about me
He grabbed the book from my hand
realizing I knew
he was upset that I knew that he was

still involved in thinking of me
So you ask, is he happy, content?
No he’s a certifiable alcoholic
lost in dreams of the man he used to be

before he got lost in these
nightmares that came before
dawn became dusk, then again
Nevermore quoth the raven

But it was just the same as before
and more of the same old values
which had held him prisoner for decades
Indeed, now it was clearly a pattern

I wish I could help him improve
make life a little bit better,
Reviewing his past is strange
and doesn’t change his future



© Joy Leftow 2005