one aggravation after another

I can't understand it.
Like lil abner a cloud follows my head.
I've been dealing with lost emails and sent emails that never go anywhere and from what I just learned this has been going on for many months. Now on my end when I send an email it makes that nice whoosssshhhh sound that apple mail makes and then they disappear into cyberspace. It took quite some time to realize all this was happening.

This time I did it on purpose without realizing it was my intent.
How could I do it again? – I followed the tech person’s instructions exactly.
And when he said do you mind deleting your email downloads I didn’t realize he meant I’d delete every drop of my email sitting on my desktop like a cold winter moon night letters disappear with morning light.

The simple solution would’ve been to create another box to dump my emails there. After I’d gone through every piece of email every day and cleaned it up spotlessly and saved what I needed over two years ~
Why would I delete it if I knew that’s what I intended to do in the first place.
My mailbox is clean and I still can't send mails out.
What a pain only a few days remain ...

For some reason I 'm the chosen one to be made the example of. Road runner finally admits they're the cause of the problem. I am no longer permitted by road runner to use my blog links in my emails. Can you imagine sending your emails daily and they don't go anywhere? Hrummmpph!

I called Road Runner some time ago. Told the tech man my problem but they kept insisting it wasn't their doing. They had no idea what caused the problem. The second or third tech didn't know either. The third time I called they told me to reset my password at road runner. These fixers worked for a minute and then people began complaining again about my mail. Road runner man did not ask me to back shit up either. It took the apple tech Bob and his crew to figure out why no one gets my emails.

I turned to apple time after time. I've been working with Bob for a few months on this email issue. I have eliminated my mail several times trying to resolve this. We'd reset the mail program by throwing out the mail from preference panes plist and by trashing mail from the library. These were the same steps the road runner man took me through too. After each restart mail would work for a little while and then stop again.

Bob and I tirelessly tested variation after variation seeking the answer to my misery. Yesterday Bob and his team figured it out. Bob said the problem was my server, that different email addresses get assigned different servers and that this server must be identifying my links as junk mail or unsolicited advertisements. So we tested this theory and found when I eliminated my blog links - low and behold, my mail mailed! I even sent boyfriend's links from my mail and that was received by the tech person. I set up a mobile me account and then any links worked. The apple rep said maybe road runner can set the server to accept my links.

When I called road runner I had to go through three people to get to the top tech who said my links are indeed blocked. He told me to write road runner security a letter which I did.

This is what I wrote below. I had to make the links clandestinely to show to them as you can see. Perhaps now I should do it like that in my letters too so they will go through.

Dear Sir or Madam:

Below are the 2 websites I use with my signature on all my correspondence. I am sending them to you so you can see they are poetry sites, not commercial spam sites.

h t t p : / / j o y l e f t o w s b l o g . b l o g s p o t . c o m


h t t p : / / j o y l e f t o w . c o m

I wrote a few more things but they never responded except for a form letter saying they receiving my correspondence.

Last night I went back to the drawing board and back to road runner. Last night a high tech person told me road runner is considering me a spammer when I use my links. When I said everyone else uses links Sam said, "you must've sent many mails with links. Eventually everyone else will reach this level of sending emails links - theirs too will be blocked." Sam said it also has to do with the popularity of my link.

To make a long story short I'm stymied for a second.

Don't you always include your web links in your emails? What's this world coming to?

TRANSVERSE THE UNIVERSE THROW THE GEARS IN REVERSE

I was thinking of all the things I had to do
And then I started thinking of you
And lost my memory of what I was supposed to do
Because then all I could do was think about you
That’s just the way it goes
sometimes I hit all the lows
The highs are left behind
I refuse to leave well enough alone
The next climb’s all my treat
Yes I’ve finally done it
I’ve gone and lost my mind
I heard it through the grapevine
No longer will I be mine
I wish it were just fine but it seems
things go from bad to worse
So I try to put things in reverse eliminate
Jealousy creates boundaries
I rewrite herstory and tap the cinnamon of life
into my coffee after steam frothing lactose free milk
I tap the nutmeg of my soul
to rife up the spice
dissolve artificial barriers between me and you
eyes set deep in my face I trace the lines
on your face revealed and sealed
I’m healed by the power my words wield

Wow - Another award!

This award is even more noteworthy than the last because my blog was chosen to be included under The Top 40 Poetry Blogs On The Web.
I'm doubly honored and blessed to receive this award because only 40 blogs were chosen and Joy Leftow's Poetry Blog is one of them.

Here's the letter I received:

Hi Joy Leftow,

I am writing to inform you that Joy Leftlow's Blog has been featured on Guide to Art School’s list of the Top 40 poetry blogs found here: http://www.guidetoartschools.com/tips-and-tools/poetry-blogs. We hand-picked a list of our favorite poetry blogs and outlined the unique reasons why we love them. We were impressed that you manage and publishe your own poetry on your blog site. We also noticed that your poetry is updated frequently and touches on a many different ideas and issues.

Yay Joy - go Joy way to go...
I have to be my own best publicist since I have no one else to do it for me!

Mine is listed under Other Fantastic Poetry Blog. Here is what they say about mine.

Joy Leftow's Blog: Joy Leftow's manages and publishes her own poetry on her site. The blog has a fairly large following. Her poetry is updated frequently and touches on a many different ideas and issues.

Awards

For two years in a row I've been awarded the 100 Best Poetry Blogs by Accredited Online Colleges. I am so grateful to receive this honor once more. My blog is listed under female poets with a group of a dozen others. I'm so proud to be included among the best of the best!

The categories for 100 best poetry blogs are:
Poetry Basics
Poetry Commentary
Published Poets
Female Poets
Male Poets
Poetic Teachers
Photographic Poetry
Fun Stuff

What it says about my blog is this:
Joy Leftow’s Blog: Get access to hip and fun poetry, as well as spoken poetry here.

one more pill to help me chill so i don't kill anyone

Like Alice in Wonderland I roam the desert of my mind trying to find a way out
Every day I reinvent myself wondering whether or not to take the next stand
I keep seeking another line a better design a brand name
Imbibing the sands of time
I become restless longing for success I confess it came to possess me I digress
I used to be somebody now I’m someone else
It boils down to our animal instincts, survive and thrive
Reassessing my past I contrive to start anew
The meaning we attribute to things is what
gives them power over us
A universal bower a tower of confidence
It’s a matter of perspective - probably our entire planet is like this
Alice absorbs me perhaps another pill will cure my ills
Lusting on the edge of a consonant I meander through adverbs synonyms and antonyms
It’s a fucking weird word disaster
I dig my heels in deep trying to steep my words in a heap before I leap
but instead my words are torrential existential tangential
they move me
treading through river recesses of despair to find the answer but it just aint fair they don’t care they’re hateful of our flair
I dare to emerge I don’t want to submerge on the verge of a nervous breakdown I merge into another artistic urge with a surge of energy
Sunk in a funk in another God forsaken mess I process the stress the excess of the day wears heavy
Don’t transgress the finesse of the noblesse
I speak in riddles and rhymes to observe the times
Thunder explodes a hazy curtain of rain splashes the pavement
soaks my clothes through to my skin
as I begin another spin

Working To Save My Flow Blow-By-Blow On A Paid Word-A-Day Work Flow Pantoum

I sat at my computer with a cat on my lap to help me relax
She flew up from her seat like the cat’s a bat outta hell bent on a personal attack
Reacts as though she saw a rat on my lap instead of a cat
Like a spoiled brat she makes me put my cats on lock down

She flew up from her seat like the cat’s a bat outta hell bent on a personal attack
I put on my thinking cap try to resolve the problem - get it down pat
Like a spoiled brat she makes me put my cats on lock down
I frown at the crackdown - locking the cats out of my computer room is wearing on my nerves

I put on my thinking cap try to solve the problem down pat
I want to tell her scat she deserves no reserves
I frown at the crackdown - locking the cats out of my computer room is wearing on my nerves
Sets me all a gloom a sense of doom pervades my bloom

I want to tell her scat she deserves no reserves
I’m unnerved and need to conserve my energy, my synergy
Sets me all a gloom a sense of doom pervades my bloom
I upbraid her try to turn myself into a mermaid to escape her

It would be in her interest to understand the facts
Reacts as though she saw a rat on my lap instead of a cat
Please try to understand I’m your worker not your doormat
I sat at my computer with a cat on my lap to help me relax

Gimmee Money

That beat gets heated in my head
Never felt like this before cause its never been this bad before
Financially
I’m feeling those fiduciary blues now
Things are getting worse all the time
money aint everything it’s true but it sure does help to pay those bills
Money it’s what I want – gimmee money it’s what I want
Money raining down on me
money ain’t everything it’s true but it sure gets its hold on you when you need to pay those bills
A little thrill that bill got paid - a huge frill with bitter pill thrown in

The details are lost in my mind, awake in bed, mountain out of molehill
served with foreclosure papers 5 a.m. delivery
Reality sets in, bleakly I get quirky, relay the bad news
The bills are due again
money can’t buy everything it’s true but it sure does help to pay some bills
it’s getting bleary in here and I’m getting leery because I need things to get better,
today I got another foreclosure letter
But from what I hear ain’t nobody but the crooks doing better than me
money rain down on me today
I want that money it’s what I want anyway
Gimmee money – it’s what I want lot’s of money, gimmee lots of grimy money
Bring it on home, baby
so now - you say what I say- do what I do

(to audience - hold up your hands and say) “repeat after me” (Hold up 2 fingers)
money rain on me today! Money it’s what I want - gimme money lot’s of money
money rain on me today! Money it’s what I want - gimme money lot’s of money
Sing these money blues along with me today
to pass these blues away
we’re praying for our money
so we can take care of our children, our needs, if you work you can’t get things free
give us that money for free today- spread the word around – money lost now found

I want that moolah that’s coming to me
More of those extras some food stamps I don’t qualify for
but I sure am hurtin enough to use em
Only disabled can have more money and qualify for welfare too
But life’s hurtin for everyone out here these days and maybe you feel like me
It’s that money it’s what I want – gimmee money lots of money
Money can’t buy you everything it’s true but what it can’t buy you probably can’t use
I don’t know what this blue ass world is coming to
I sing these money blues today cause I know you need that shit like I do

so now - you say what I say- do what I do

(audience participation - hold up your hands say) “repeat after me” (Hold up 2 fingers)
money rain on me today! Money it’s what I want - gimme money lot’s of money
money rain on me today! Money it’s what I want - gimme money lot’s of money
Sing these money blues along with me today
Money it’s what I want - Gimme money lots of money
money rain on me today
do what I do - say what I say -
money rain on me today
Money it’s what I want - Gimme money lots of money

This poem is designed to bring money to all of us who need it - the catch is we only get how much we need not how much we want - still it beats a blank
think think think and believe - money rain on me today - yay - it's working for me and it can work for you too!

living in poetry

In a little café just the other side of the border between
Washington Heights and the city wilderness
my words linger like a midnight smoke foray
alive in Salvador Dali
What if people stopped paying their unfair subway fare?
What if a million people hopped the subway and walked on buses and nobody paid would this society go away I wish I were back in the days of Abby Hoffman, Coltrane and Lennon
What if everyone who went shopping at wal mart stew leonards and costcos put 100 items in their cart and declined to pay as they walked out the door

Dominican Dudes selling fruits en la esquina, hablo con ellos en me español roto
speak my broken Spanish
Swish my way past - wish I could have a kasha knish
Jimbo Burgers, La Caridad, Inwood Xtra Pizza, Quick Stop Bodega, ten-tan Chinese and Amy’s
All your needs fulfilled below the elevated train
El Camino for auto supplies, El Mirador serves wine and beer Y comida latina but no bagels or knishes, my favorite dishes
So many things to see, wish there was no anarchy wish I was free
I’m not as free as a tree - I want to be as free as a summer breeze
Blowing continuously at ninety degrees
like the summer rain cools the ground and mists around
like rain formed rainbows I want to be the rainbows in my mind
wounded to the core my to do list keeps growing exponentially
I’m in time for round fourteen hundred forty four more
On the southern sea shore island in my mind
I’m there in a flash of fatality, the infidelity, the totality of a unity,
I sense danger lurking - I stay steady working
I languor leisurely in my laziness until a licentious mood leads me to lavish lust
From dawn to dust, I play the game of life continuously readjust,
recently read about my poetic genius, don’t give me the bum’s rush – wow- that sounds so cool I just don’t understand it.
race and religion as subjects cause despondence and glee.
Like a glacier rotting away I sit here eating my cappuccino fudge sundae – how do they keep that fudge so soft ice cream talking disaster, my world degenerates while faster rhythms
Sets my thoughts
Flowing like lava rain drenches meeting a ceremonial master in the Arabian Desert
My city rain meets recalcitrant refusing concrete
bring the word to the street - a super salivary sweet treat
Whaddaya’ think, I’ve got the link, it’s sink or sing, a tune in head
An ocean of sound all around, lost and found I keep trying to heal the wounds but they’re cut too deep. my words turn to blood and ooze through holy ground

The Rose Between My Hips – My Other Lips

My pussy folds its lips around your dick’s circumference like a closed rose with muscles behind
folded petals circumscribe to your vibe, grasping you inside
slide against hidden folds of flesh, mold to mold
velvet soft texture
probing finger defined by pussy trembles contracts
Each quiver entices deeper
I wonder if the men who enter me feel as lucky as I do to explore
Smooth ribbed wet crevices inside
Titillate my senses –
Sometimes I don’t understand how men’ll do anything for a bitch
I get an itch to explore that witch inside
If I’m deprived too long
I want to shout eat me out
Do cunnilingus until your face turns blue
Sex is entertaining
– I’m not much at abstaining
from my sex domain
Can’t contain my appetite and stamina
My pussy is unconstrained and untrained
after you eat me out let me take you for deep love ride
Stop slowing the thrust of your penis when I need faster
and closer
Put your nine in there and stop whining about a deadline
Just relax and give me head we’re already on the bed
make me come before I die of boredom
I like extended sexual orgasms
You say let’s watch the moon rise
And remind me to use the astroglide
You say you’re looking for a deeper thrill,
I say my pussy’s tight and talk about skill
You come back with words of love
And hold out the astroglide for a smooth love ride
I say my pussy loves dick better than soul food
You get unglued I speak in taboos you get shrewd
Talk about how it’s soft wet and firm all at once
Perchance parlance your preference is my wet pussy

Welfare’s Still A Bitch

Back in the day I burned loquacious at welfare’s fair hearings
But soon I learned that when you went to your worker you only speak when you’re spoken to
Everything will be held against you
And twice more if you’re white
You’ll be accountable for every damn penny you didn’t spend
How dare you go to Columbia University on our money
You’ll see white bitch hoe
Now I'm at the welfare center again
I’m still the only white one there
thank god it’s not for me I wait here
I watch as everyone demands entitlements
They have their appointments - will not leave with disappointment
The brothers and sisters and me we see others get special treatment
waiting on names and numbers to be called
Liars - they say first come first served but everything seems stalled
I want mine and I want it now - Latinos and Blacks uprising.
The guards are watchful but do nothing
Those who yell loudest – their workers came out and usher them through glass doors to get what’s theirs
they come back smiling
After that it didn’t quiet down till the room emptied out
After they all got what was coming to them
I wish it had been like that for me
I fought at so many fair hearings
To get my claims accepted back in the day
Each time I recertified they cut my food stamps to zero
If you’re white you get less
if you’re Jewish it’s double less because you know all those jews are rich they don’t come from any Warsaw ghettos and it’s a damn lie any of them were killed in any fucking holocaust

those kikes are Fucking Christ killers is what they are
heard it all my life
A voice inside my head
Each way I turn
Sometimes I forget who I am

And it all comes rushing home like a river overflowing with leaves silt memories
Someone will bring it home to me no matter how long I live

Ladies and Gentlemen: we’ve gone back in time to the 60’s – prejudice crackles like fire in the air.

We need to get our heads turned back to the streets to take back what’s rightfully ours

We need we need we need – medical care money a place to live and survive
So sad - right back at you with the blues tonight