STRIVE TO STAY ALIVE

STRIVE TO STAY ALIVE

I want to cry for my lost dreams. 

That house made of stone and glass 

with all wood inside the fame 

and fortune I never gained, 

the way my heart has been maimed 

my life tamed and bought at the corner store. 

Dreams estranged 

caught up in the buzz of busy bees

 living day to day in a maze 

on a pension fund 

Money I earned not charity 

driving safe in the slow zone. 

No airs or golden chalices, 

standardized morphing of reality 

Leave me to blaze on a hot day 

Sweat with no underwear. 

I fear for the living dead. 

Live life in my head 

less than half my dreams 

never come to fruition

because I’m not Annie Malone, 

neither is he 

change your tone please, 

Don't use your phone 

while we're having this conversation. 

I want to be a milliner

Tired of infighting, 

heart a siren, beats with desire 

Set the sky on fire, bring souls out of mire, 

stir the fires of love

Ignore the jive of each haze, 

the latest craze

Always some new malaise 

Live like lost

In a moon phase

Do my best to stay alive and thrive

Live in Poetic Entrancement

I’m not a rapper or a rhymer 

I refuse to be defined except as poet

I’m a social climber, not on a timer

I’m an old timer, been through a lot

Since born

I’m a writer, half-assed extrovert, an undercover introvert

I write all day till my hands hurt

Use a keyboard and mouse to type

Send out memos to me and everyone else, 

Letters, reminders, 

So busy I go crazy

Live in a bluesday concert of my making

Try to avoid being hurt is like trying to avoid living

I indulge in frozen fruit parfait I make

Grab it!   Life’s for the taking do our best to make it matter. Proclaim! … Lives Matter!

I cry for lost dreams. Houses made of stone and glass, all wood inside the fame and fortune never gained, the way my heart has been maimed, my life tamed and bought at the corner store. Dreams estranged ~ caught up in the buzz of busy bees living day to day in a maze on a pension fund money I earned, not charity, driving safe in the slow zone. No airs or golden chalices standardized morphing of reality leave me to blaze on a hot day with no underwear. I fear living dead. Live in my head less than half of it never comes to be because I am alone, lost in a phone yet I want to be like Annie Malone and be me. I want to be her, still I see, neither is he. 

Change your tone; don't use your phone while we're having this conversation. 

I want to be Annie Malone – the first Black woman in the US to take the world by storm.

Found her accidentally on the net while searching for my old colleague Annie Malone. 

Blown away in awe, – Annie Malone was ahead of her time, born August 9, 1869 – A chime went off in my head to read… 

American businesswoman, inventor, and philanthropist, Annie Malone came from a simple life. Annie manufactured products revolutionizing hair care for Black women. That’s my goal – be a hero, a superwoman, spokeswoman, for groups who appreciate a different kind of Annie Malone, a noblewoman, a strong secure woman, a give society-her due woman instead of suffering anxiety, 

Gavin’s notoriety or mine. How much sobriety do you need to see the vitality? Like royalty live by misconception that insanity is the rule of the day. People say they want different, yet prefer compliancy, ignore morality impiously siding with majority, fear authority. Standing in a minority is gaining seniority. Gives me hope that one day we’ll be a supermajority and redevelop the meaning of authority. The Cherokees are the original owners yet were thrown away for currency. 

Finally accept this is life and I’d rather do this then push up daisies

Keep all kinds of lists because the To Do’s persist

in running my existence while I attempt to stay cool ~be a shamanist

Get more abstractionist as I age, when I was younger, psychiatrists said I was too literal

Couldn’t see me being lyrical

I preach everyone’s crazy only some us don’t recognize how crazy we have become to survive.

The eye in my sky is crying

The eye in my sky is crying

See my fears roll down the street

Tears allayed by stares in space

A cell phone in hand, no dial tone, a blues band commands my adrenal glands

Understand it’s my wedding band, not a new brand of incense,

I take a firm stand on a crash land course stuck in the Meadowlands of York

Passion fruit seeps from my sweat glands

Swerving into oblivion on the freeway, an alien shaman ~ that’s me

An alligator devoured my right hand – Now 2 left feet remain

Beauty is nothing but a backdrop for the blues

We all want beauty, peace, a little food, and empathy

I keep trying and failing to decompartmentalize; an exemplary fit

Lost my wit – cut it out stupid twit see what’s writ do as befits, 

I observe others fare better 

The eye in my sky reflects humanity’s tears,
their fears that life can’t be any better or go anywhere 
except to all one place eventually

Do you want to be easily forgotten, your family here

A score or two more, no one will know you

Damn, give your shell to charity

No formaldehyde either please, I use the excuse I’m Jewish; bury me green, please 

I keep saying son, it will pass you by before we come noon to sun

Is this how you want to spend your last day

My man loves his drugs

Almost as much or more than me

He gets them easily supercalifragilisticexpialidociously,

Tons of prescriptions legally

His drugs do him right

Momentarily maniacal he says he’s feeling’ so tight

I see him in a new light struggling to write

Doctrinally following clinical struggles, a mix of Geodon, Ambien, Lamotrigine, 

To name a few - some are noxious, others only for allergies

Billy Jean’s not his lover, enervated after meds 

no more energy to survive when he’s done, 

Throw some synergy into the fray

Walking up Bombay Broadway 

Brings me back to tears rolling down the street

I refuse to admit defeat, repeat it all again and again

The eye in my sky is crying

[soo-per-kal-uh-fraj-uh-lis-tik-ek-spee-al-i-doh-shuhs]

REVELATION

Waiting on a revelation about the coming revolution 

It’s slow no one wants to know we’re just a bunch of good little soldiers

Doing what we’re told to

I’ve made no resolution to begin a revolution 

I want to see people treated fair

I turn to me, say, see me free to be fair to me

Set me free outside myself

Set me free, let me be me

 “my bad” will set me free 

deny the naysayers, haters and dis abusers

See me

An angel cast from heaven 

originally 

because of my big mouth, I was sentenced to hell on earth 

fallen from grace, a casualty for being me

Set me free from this insanity, this rat eat rat culture

We waifs wander the street
like abused common yard rats we want to be set free. 

Even rats are drawn to starlight and 

love to feel the earth beneath their feet instead of the hard city pavement 

where we are caged together

dining on musical words helps me while away my days 

whilst I sit here and await my fate in the next genocide an autolytic sourpuss

pray, permit me to continue

in a prison, I sit awaiting sentence

my pitiful existence pale compared to thee

cast me from your kingdom

wandering searching far from home

am a product of your fear and castoff genius combined

disowned and disavowed

Wings stolen while I awakened from a nightmare to discover

I lived a life not mine

Worrying doesn't help

Accepting unfair demands doesn't help either but what if you don’t have a choice

easy for you to say let it go and let it be

Let it go and let me free, let it go and set me free

On wings, I flew once with you as an angel now cast from your grace

Laugh as you look down upon me pleading to be set free

And you say girl you had it the way you wanted to be

You ask to be set free

I set you free and now you want to come back to me.

Pity about those set free who want to come back to me

Being me who’s no longer me is no fun even when you think you want to be free

Once you rode on wings you could spread but you prayed me to let you be free 

Now you beg to come home and it’s too late to let you back in my grace

Let it all go daughter, let it all go so you return to be 

an angel spreading her wings – wings fashioned from dreams - 

wings with kaleidoscope colors 

I Live My Life In A Purple Haze

Not just a faze, a way of life back in the 60s, 

purple haze was an LSD craze 

now under my hearts gaze 

Lost in my mind's maze

Can’t get a social security raise

Keep wondering about ways 

To enjoy the sun’s rays

And get out of this malaise

Can’t get ahead, keep moving sideways

I’m only human, feeling so blasé after so many days

unexcited with exceptions to every rule I face

Lost in a different kind of haze not knowing where I am in this  phase of my life, not trifle

Rephrase the question which is the answer to why I’m living this way, I’m only human, so fuck you too

I don’t need money to flex

I flex my humanity instead of money

I agree, must be the end of days

Heart’s Navigation into My Soul

Slowly painfully melt into oblivion, fight, make my way to differentiation, not game, 

work for concentration, live in a hazy intoxication of my making

Not wise to make assumptions leads to my demised corruption 

Not about my occupation still kicking today for another day

Liberation from knowledge about his medication

What that means in expression or the conclusion

Life is a series of reflections 

A projection of ourselves like live cinema screen

Regression into vegetation – initiation into some cruel occupation of my soul wanders

Through listless impressions. dedication to a life I know nothing of

Exploration of a faceless alibi, compression of frustration, I hold back

Seek restitution, restoration for what I never owned

I want to drink a bottle of wine, talk about hard times

I want to sit and drink this wine, sit and worry about my decline

I want to drink this wine and think about fine times

I want to climb up high and forget reality

I want to forget slime balls I meet and center on my bloodline

Settle on bloodline, like settling on a landmine

Know life is on a deadline, it’s asinine

Trying to believe in divine isn’t the goldmine 

Want to conquer the fierce divide

I want to live in oblivion 

I can’t take the pain

Pain rears his ugly head disdainfully

Again and again…

Pain reverberates, vibrates in my head

hear the only relief is death 

want to avoid that choice

Live inside of my head

Avoid the world outside 

Daddy preached the world is a dangerous place

Filled with pitfalls, delusions of grandeur  

Fear says insolation is perfect solution

Life lived inside dreams, hidden away – Daddy's way

Seek relief in dreams 

Search for who I could be

If only I’d stop hiding away

insane in the membrane of my brain

I struggle to stay sane

REINCARNATION TO A NEW LIFE

You need to wake up, live in a daze

a haze of days

Morning noon and night

It ain’t right but there’s no way to stop you

Like talking the living to the dead

Entire life living in the red,

sleep and rest in the bed

it’s my bad nothing eases the pain

pills night and day - no way to stop you

The mental and physical anguish remains the same as you push life to exsanguinate

your blood thins day by day, tire so easy it’s all breezy and good,

you examine your mind, it’s more than a faze

but it’s all good

You explain the drugs are legally prescribed by many different doctors who listen to your complaints

They prescribe pills to alleviate the gaze of hazy pain you live in

Describe pain where it maintains a domicile in your head –

it possesses you, obsesses you search for a nonexistent cure

Can’t accept the prognosis, 18 drugs a day all prescribed to the beat of your heart.

Slows the glow / the glue holding you together disappears in my heart.

Another pill won’t cure your ills. Determine the excess of the access or access to excuse

Excuse me, I meant excess the distress, there’s no elixir to create a victor,

It’s all downhill by doctor’s goodwill

I profess I’m consumed and confused;

is it the syndrome about which comes first - the chicken or the egg?

A stitch in time ain’t worth a dime, do you have the time

On the road to enlightenment, forget sentiments the buck stops here.

Watch on the sidelines while u struggle for a quick exit

Living life like you’re fit to be tied, live life on an incline

Live the fast lane

You’ll regret it, lose out in the end living inside your mind won’t suffice or change the end. Tell myself and tell you.

My words fade in the southwestern wind turning southerly

while we dismiss lists

Stuck in an abyss, lost in time, fade in the dreamer

Stare at your demeanor, lost and found, I stand my ground while Jill comes tumbling after and Jack can’t find his crown

Search through the valley of death

Surmise the crease in your pants

Cry another dance, dry tears in my eyes.

My vision blurred by raindrops falling. 

Remember to see the sea widens

fear to die in the midst of a dream becomes real

You will heal from the power of words I implore