Friday, April 05, 2013

Stand in line to criticize me


So-called friends gather together to conspire to criticize me. They review and share the litany of my misdeeds, judge my improprieties. Criticized from all sides. Some call me fickle because of how I live my life. If you’re seeking someone to criticize don’t let me stand in your way. Just stand in line I’m about to sell tickets.

One friend knows how to act to fool anyone and she believes her own lies. I remember she fooled two therapists proving two was as easy as one to deceive. She told me one was for her heart, the other one for her mind. She can no longer see what is deception or illusion. She is like me, lives in her private world of delusion. A flimsy sense of right and wrong betrays me; I see the world through a film of gauze and baubles - always let down.

Criticizing is a waste of time and so easy. Eventually, I get tired of your unkind ways and tell you alcoholism is a mental illness. I resolve not to continue to be unkind so I apologize.

Everyone else is more sensible, They know how to avoid trouble and when I say that is what I’m doing - the same as they have done, I’m called insane and crazy though I’ve been called worse. I say the unsaid things no one else says.

I tell Buck Henry, “I’d rather be faithful but when I get unhappy I also get unfaithful.” He laughs and agrees life is like that. I’d rather not throw stones but when so many stones hit you how many do you take before you throw some back. Imagine! A plagiarizer and a drunken fool with nothing to show stand in line to criticize me. Kill yourself slowly, you have someone waiting below you.

You give yourselves leave to play gods to my queen. You’re both so perfect you have the right to judge me so stand in line to criticize me.

You know you’re better than me if we don’t count your predilection for alcohol and prostitutes bragging how much you hate condoms. I don’t need weapons for my two main accusers. She had him write all her papers so she could go to college to become a nurse. She explained to us how God put him there to write them for her. I pray she’ll never nurse anyone I know. Oops my bad, I agree you’re both better than me. Stand in line to criticize me. Friends don’t criticize = for stupid stuff. I resign myself to stay positive and move towards the light so everything will be all right.

I’m selling tickets now so stand in line to criticize me.

Julio says,  “Everyone kicks a falling star. It’s in your planets to be a humanitarian. You have no luck sister because you were a fallen in a past life. Take yourself away from negativity. Don’t think about negative people and only be with those who are positive. Do this sister and stay positive and move towards the light and everything will be all right.”

I’m moving on to a new hemisphere. Bygones are bygones even woebegone. I’d accept an apology but I understand it’s more important to be right. New beginnings are out of sight!

I make a new year’s resolution to make more friends… and to make amends.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Monday, March 11, 2013

Sugarman's Blog about Rodriguez

Published below today at the following link on Sugarman's website:


http://sugarman.org/forum.html

Entry #:4175
Entry Date: 2013-03-09 18:37:22
Name:Joy Leftow
When did you first discover Rodriguez?: The movie Searching For Sugarman
Where are you from?: Washington Heights, NYC
Visitor Comments: This music and of course Rodriguez, who created it has so much meaning for me, and I cried while listening and reading the lyrics. The point of why he wasn't famous? Think about it. The 70's were Donovan, and Dylan singing these type songs, but neither of them could turn a phrase like Rodriguez, a poet through and through. A few examples to bring my point home:

I make 16 solid half hour friendships every evening
give a medal to replace the son of Mrs. Annie Johnson
I set sail in a teardrop and escaped beneath the doorsill

or

Genji taught Orion
Sea-purple harmony
While Kogi hit secrets into seashells
And even the ocean laughed
beneath that celestial canopy

Rodriguez is the only one to make poetry inside his lyrics in this manner except for myself of course, and I felt he is a kindred spirit.

I was so touched by the entire story and by his lyrics, I had to reach out to touch his burning embers because love comes in all colors.

Below is another great lyric quote from Rodriguez:


"I opened the window to listen to the news but all I heard was the establishment blues"  Rodriguez from This is Not a Song, It's an Outburst: Or, The Establishment Blues.

Like myself, many people disliked Rodriguez's message because they felt his work was too sad. It took a long time, but Rodriguez has finally arrived world wide and like Rodriguez, I will find my South Africa too.

Saturday, March 09, 2013

Random Energy




At night, my life’s energy burns through my skin. I try to sleep but fitfully wake up, kicking the covers off until the moisture dries, and cools me with tranquility. I toss nightly sleeplessly awakened by the pitter-patter of relentless rain dripping steadily on my A.C. The weather of my insight has changed. The days grow shorter, sun up to sun down, yet feel longer. The storms won’t abate. Although the wind is gone a steady rain remains like a leak in my heart. I’m bleeding out and can’t say when. Only it’s not blood, it’s the leaking of love and spinal fluids. I can’t hold them back. I know it’s going to rain again today.

I look out my window. In spite of the quiet, the rain falls like a silent cellophane sheet blanketing my world. Consumed by tireless passion I consider my options. As though hearing my thoughts, a breeze awakens outside my window whispering to me about the loss of his mother, Rainbow Warrior. I console and entreat him, “try again once more.”  He foreswears off the grain alcohol. Thunder and moonshine light up the sky.

Growing more isolated, observing puppets in the grander scheme of events, aspiring, trying, and expiring.

Out of sight out of mind.

He said, “You have bedroom eyes.”
I asked, “What does that mean?”
“They’re very sexy,” he said haltingly.
“How lame!” I exclaim, “at least you could comment on the color or say something about how the blue-green color is unusual.”

Wind whispers words only I can hear so I listen to see if I fear the answer.  My thoughts and the wind have moved on. I hear a car barking down the street. The sound of the city whistles and my ears ring.

The days pass in a swirl of appointments looking out at views through strange windows.
Stringing along, smiling and singing a song;
A pawn trying to escape with no superpowers or magic cape.
The moons gone astray and my mind's lost all day.
No one’s home minding the store.
I stay to finish, day after day, between four walls, closed in yet so far away.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Another True Story About A Bad New Social Worker


Too stupid to follow through she’s only good for company he says
Her incompetence creates more work for me
I have to watch, make sure she does what she should
only she hasn’t got a clue what she’s supposed to do
She can sit and twinkle her toes and her supervisor
doesn’t seem to have a clue or know
what her new social worker is supposed to do

New social worker concocts stories and lies about what she needs to do
What she should do, has to do, needs to do and gets away with it too
So she doesn’t have to do what she should do
She decides to socialize with her clients
I guess it’s more fun than work
She gets away with conniving & manipulations too
His therapist confirms what I told him is true

I guess it's easy with the mentally ill
I decide to write a bad service review
and name the culprit with poor skills.
Yelp takes my review down even though there are several others too
Mixing rhythms and rhymes with social excursions on the Internet

Within days Yelp removes all the reviews
Concerning the guilty culprit
But I’ll tell you right now, and I mean this too
Stay away from the Post Graduate Center for Mental Health