Saturday, October 29, 2016

I'M A REALLY BAD GIRL

They ridicule my nails – they’re so unkempt, with lined skin and chapped. Make fun of my faded “pink” hair when I fail to recolor quickly enough. My son tried to teach me some skills and went and bought me a Papyrus card with enclosed gift certificate for a manicure to try and show me what others expect in the way of grooming. I used the gift card to get a manicure and massage, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Examine and judge me like an object there only for their enjoyment and disdain while they gossip about my hair and my nails. Really is this what counts? How I make myself up nice and proper and meet the societal mores? My nails, my hair, shaving for the beach – I hate all three.

I’m too busy and too cheap to take time to enjoy the little things. Time takes its toll, year after year, cleaning and cleaning, rarely using gloves I clean without gloves to feel what I’m cleaning, to feel smoothness or roughness, to feel dents and bruises.

I think I’m confused by it all – why it means so much. OK I admit it’s true it’s not that much money, but for me – I, who more or less consistently refuse to shave my legs and rarely shave my underarms, and who uses a scissors to trim my underarms, do you really suppose this is what will take importance on my growing to do list? I use opaque tights and the hair doesn’t show. I rarely wear sleeveless so what different does it make if I only trim the hair. It really does burn and hurt my skin for two days afterwards. It’s like heels – I can barely walk without heels so how am I going to walk with them. 

Oh I hear the arguments now, “Your self esteem must be affected by not doing these things.” Or, “You have to be nice to yourself and treat yourself sometimes.” And incredibly sometimes, I do carry through and buy these treats for myself. Perhaps in my entire life, I’ve had less than a dozen manicures. Well for sure, I can guarantee you I’ve had less than two-dozen manicures. But I do - do occasionally I do - do for sure.