I am with Missy, my young grad school
buddy. She’s with a new boyfriend,
someone I never met before. I recognize this as being strange in my dream,
knowing she's now married with children. Bob, my boyfriend, Missy, and my son, Joey
are all there together. Bob is with us yet seconds later, he is rapping to some
chick 15 feet away. I walk towards them, but when I get there, Bob’s
disappeared into thin air.
“Where's Bob?" I ask.
Joey says, “In the store, buying beer.”
Missy and I are walking downtown on
Broadway together. We’re on our way to visit my Dad who lives down on 162nd
street and Riverside Drive. It’s a long walk from Sickle Street (Close to
Dykeman Street) in Washington Heights.
This is before Washington Heights
became Hudson Heights, before gentrification. For me it will always be The
Missy and I are strolling slowly,
talking, taking our time. We run into Alan
Abel, the big 'Get
Even' Scam Man Prankster, Bob had once introduced me to.
I say, “Hey Alan, how are you?”
Alan says, “Hey, how’re ya’? You’re the
woman involved with Bob, that young English fellow I met you with in Oxford?” Alan
is speaking while pulling out all these stylish clothes from somewhere. I can’t
figure out where they’re coming from. Missy says excitedly, “Lets share
“Excellent,” I agree, forgetting my
concern about where the stuff is coming from.
I pull out a tight colorful skirt. I
feel Missy’s eyes on it. I say, “Oh Missy, that wouldn't fit you, you're too
big.” I realize I spoke without thinking. Missy is not big anymore plus I'm worried
I hurt her feelings. I quickly say, “Oh you're not big anymore.”
Too late, the words are spoken.
Missy, Alan and I wind up in my
apartment in my home office. Alan is using my fax to make copies. I remember Bob
putting cellophane wrappers on the roller that holds the fax paper. Later he
refills with paper. I can't remember why Bob was using cellophane but suddenly
realize Bob’s trying to trap me into doing something sexual with Alan. He is
using cellophane to create a tracking record on fax.
Alan continues to make copies using the
Alan says, “I really appreciate you
letting me use your machine this way.”
I smell something funny burning inside the fax and the copy button pops up and
out of the machine.
I say, “Oh shit, Bob warned me about
how careful I have to be with this fax. He
gave me this long list of do's and don'ts. Repeated over and over, ‘don't use
white out, no scotch tape either, don’t touch buttons,’ and truth is I’m guilty
and he’ll say I broke his fax.”
Alan focuses on me. Alan says, “How
much do you care about this Bob guy?”
“I'm crazy about him and can’t
understand why he makes me unhappy. I wonder if any man can give me what I want
cuts in, “Do you both feel the same about faithfulness?”
Alan tells Missy, 'No, the real problem is she
has not found anyone to meet her needs or make her happy.”
Alan turns to include me, “But, why aren't
“You mean unfaithful because I'm
hanging out with you here?'
Right beside me standing there abruptly
is some guy who wasn't there a second before. Someone I’ve never seen before.
I defend myself, “Oh, we don't have
sex. And although I've been unfaithful, I'd much rather be faithful, but
somehow, when I get unhappy I also get unfaithful." I pause and take a breath.
"Is that it?" Alan said. He
smiles slightly, adds in his strong pretend English accent, "Well, that's
all right then, some people are unfaithful just for the hell of it."
"No," Missy says,
"There's more to it than that.”
Alan has his mind made up. He starts
making lists of the pros and cons about my relationship with Bob. Instead of
reading the lists, I watch him feeding the lists through the fax to make
copies. I see he's taped relevant and matching stuff together to better
organize themes. I get worried about the fax again.
“Alan” I say, “you will break the fax
putting paper through with tape.”
Scene switches again. Alan and I are
sitting together on big rocks at an outdoor garden. We are completely alone and
isolated. Alan moves closer behind me. The waterfall in front of us is breathtaking
like Niagara, granite rocks glinting from the sun, slippery, and filled with
lush wild flowers. The view mesmerizes me. Beautiful, and wild, yet tended to. I
want to climb down but it's about a five-foot drop. I worry if I can’t get down
I won't be able to climb back up without help. I stand there enjoying a
familiar rapture, Alan’s powerful energy combined with the moment’s
tranquility. I am enraptured yet captive.
I feel Alan’s body pressing against
mine from behind me. His growing erection presses against my butt. “I want you
to be mine,” he says. Even though I’m crazy beyond what you’ve ever known
before, I believe we can make it.” He leans in, bends his head toward mine for
that first heady kiss.
Dizziness overcomes me, hunger claws at
me. My stomach lurches with fear of getting involved and let down again, and
still I raise my lips to greet his.
Eyes wide open, gazing deep inside my
eyes, I feel hurt and hunger so deep, and my womb throbs with desire while his
erection pulses against me.