Friday, January 16, 2009

my first try at tanka

I went on the internet to read about tankas and then tried my hand at it. Tell me tanka readers, does this make it?

Trees Love Me Tanka

I'm warm in here
Out there it's
20 degrees
the trees
are confused

They ask me
If they should
bud or go bare
they're aware
yesterday

Was 50 degrees
Today it’s snowing
My heart is
Virulent
Like the weather

REWRITTEN  

I'm warm in here 
Out there it's 20 degrees
the trees are confused

They ask me
if they should bud or go bare
They're aware yesterday 

Was 50 degrees
Today I'm clueless
My heart is virulent 
Like the weather





8 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:45 PM

    :) This is a Tanka poem .I liked it .There are different ways to express one's emotions and I feel Haiku and Tanka are one of the best .short crisp and poignant .thanks for sharing

    http://tikulicious.wordpress.com/2008/11/22/tanka-short-song/

    read these and do read the other forms also on my blog .lv

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  2. Very interesting. Tankas and haikus are so sparse in words and so heavy with feeling - it makes them very powerful. I liked it

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  3. It was good to read... I don't really know much about Tanka :) but it was interesting.

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  4. Joy, enjoyed this one. I'm very new to Tanka and have been trying some for the first time too. I like the animate-inaimate relationsship here -- trees and the narrator...absolutely intense... or are trees animate too!! But this poem is a very engaging one. Now I must get inspired and write some myself.:-)

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  5. Enjoyed. The trees outside are metaphored into beng yu-know lost girls, IMO.
    the trees
    are confused

    They ask me
    If they should
    bud or go bare

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  6. Never heard of Tanka before, but I'm intrigued. Loved this, particularly the feeling it gave me of "if even the trees are confused, is it any wonder I am?"

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  7. I don't now what a tanka poem is but I do like this one a lot, Joy.

    Did you answer the trees?

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  8. ah just thought to change the line, to I'm clueless

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